


"Zoiyks"

by RatGod69



Category: AI Dungeon 2 (Video Game)
Genre: Almost Kiss, Alternate Ending, Anarchy, Angst, Australian Empire, Blood to the Blood God, Car Chases, Christmas, Cliche, Creepypasta, Dragonborn (Elder Scrolls), Drugs, Epic Anime Battle, F/F, F/M, Human Genocide, Immense Amounts of Death, Inception - Freeform, Let It Grow, M/M, Milk, Monster Girls, Nuralyzer, Other, Pizza, Poptarts, Protesting, Shipping, Smut, Super Mario 64 - Freeform, Suplex, Time Manipulation, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It, Toaster - Freeform, Vampire hunting, Violence Against Toasters, World War II, Zombie Apocalypse, advanced warfare, ending racism, kangaroos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:42:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 35,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27765430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RatGod69/pseuds/RatGod69
Summary: A collection of adventures I posted on AI Dungeon.Uh... Read at your own risk.
Relationships: Alisa Reinford/Rean Schwarzer, Ellis/Nick (Left 4 Dead), Jusis Albarea/Machias Regnitz, Laura S. Arseid/Fie Claussell, Tifa Lockhart/Cloud Strife, Vinny (Vinesauce)/Sephiroth
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	1. Shaggy Rogers ends the Holocaust

**Author's Note:**

> New chapter every week or so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scenario made by CinnamonJesus.

You are Shaggy Rogers, an amateur crime solver who dropped out of school and ascended to godhood by eating the holy Scooby Snacks. During quarantine, you have finally learned how to read and have looked over some of the books in your home. One day, a history book catches your eye and you flip to a random page. The first thing you see is Adolf Hitler! You read and learn about the atrocities he committed during the Holocaust. Being bored as hell in 2020, you decide to use 1% of your power to go back in time and end the Holocaust. After burning down your school with a Molotov, you are suddenly struck by the United States military. They place you on a plane to New York City.

> You use .1% of your power to blow up the plane.  
The plane goes down.

> You go back in time to the holocaust.  
You open the door of the plane and jump off. The plane goes down.  
You land in a field and your legs break. You bleed to death.  
You land in a town in Poland.

> You fly to Nazi Germany.  
You are in a town square in Germany. There is a tank. There is a woman screaming. You are scared. You run into a barber shop.  
You are the barber.

> You cut people's hair until you make 1 million dollars.  
You charge five dollars for a haircut. You become rich.  
You charge one million dollars for a haircut. You become richer than Bill Gates.  
You charge one hundred thousand dollars for a haircut.

> You use money to buy a anti Nazi mech.  
You buy a tank. It's called the Mark 1. It's one of the first tanks ever made. You go to war with the Germans and win.

> You pull out your mystery gun and aim it at Hitler's head.  
You pull out your mystery gun. It's silver with a red line going down the middle. It's an airsoft gun. You go to the head and pull the trigger. Nothing happens.

> You say "Zoiyks"  
You say "Zoiyks" in your best Adolf Hitler accent. The barber laughs. You laugh too.  
A customer walks in and asks what the hell you two are laughing about.

> You give Hitler a haircut.  
You give Hitler a haircut. You ask him how he likes his hair. He doesn't. He orders you to cut it. You do. He says he wants it short. You obey.

> You "Accidentally" stab him in the eye with your scissors.  
You "Accidentally" stab him in the eye with your scissors. He screams in pain and has his people shoot you in the street.  
You are dead.  
But you don't care. You are God.

> You suplex Hitler.  
You suplex Hitler. He dies and you win World War II.

> You kill every single Nazi in the world.  
You kill every single Nazi in the world. You are loved throughout the free world. You live happily ever after, in a mansion, surrounded by nubile women. You name your home "Cunt Mansion".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Best way to end an adventure: give your character a horny mansion with a self deprecating name.


	2. Peppe’s Bizarre Adventure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peppe goes around delivering pizza. Also he has Dio’s stand. What could go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scenario made by randombihari.

You are Peppe. Your job is that of an average Pizza boy, working in Pakistan. After a certain life changing event, that you don't like talking about, you realise that you've awoken a "spirit-like" entity known as a stand. You are accompanied by your only friend and ally, Scumfred who's stand's name is Gunguy. Your own stand's name is Pizzatime, and it's ability involves time manipulation, allowing you to go back in time to save slices.

> You save slices.  
It's the day of the big race. You have to deliver all the Pizza to the customers before the time runs out.

> You say "Scumfred! I got to deliver all of my pizza before the moon crashes into the clock tower!"  
"We have time, Pizzatime."  
"I know, but I can't mess this up. Later Scum, I need to focus."  
"Fine! But you're coming to the party tonight!"

> You say "Fuck no. I got pizza to deliver."  
"You're no fun."  
You decide to lock Pizzatime's feature so you can focus. You have some hope that you won't get into any accidents while delivering all these slices.

> You deliver the first pizza.  
You arrive at the first address and throw a piece of pepperoni into the mouth of an average-sized man. He chews slowly before swallowing.  
"Yum, thanks."  
He hands you a twenty.

> You take his twenty.  
You walk outside and see an old man wearing a tuxedo.  
"Yo, you need a ride?"  
"I have a car."  
He challenges you to a Stand Battle. You accept.

His name is Jerry and his Stand lets him create barriers to deflect projectiles. He's pretty pathetic.  
Your Stand Flurry Rushes him. He sets himself alight, screaming in agony. He tries to destroy his toaster to stop the pain, but you smash it with your fist, sending him backwards into a wall.

> You say "You don't want to accept it, do you. You don't want to except that pizza is the ultimate food."  
"Pepperoni?"  
You put your hand on his shoulder.

> You say "Oh, I'll give you some pepperoni alright."  
"Please!"  
You take your hand off Jerry, who falls to the ground and screams in pain.  
Flurry Rushes you but you reflect the attack with your psychic shield.  
Jerry laughs. "Fool! I was only pretending to be hurt. My Stand's ability makes me immortal! Nothing can hurt me pussy."  
You're surrounded by a black cloud, as your eyes begin to burn and you can feel your skin being pealed away.

> You cover yourself in pizza body armor.  
As your skin becomes covered in pizza crust, you gain resistance to physical attacks.  
"Well now," Jerry sneers as you feel his Stand's hand ripping off chunks of pizza crust from your body.

> You draw your pizza sword.  
Your pizza sword becomes a replica of the sword Wilt from Knights of the Old Republic, the role-playing game that you like.  
"Aw, you're an ambitious one. I'll give you that,"

> You say "A sword is mightier than whatever cheap tactics your about to play."  
"Hmmm, larger than I thought," Jerry replies as his stand sends the sword flying from your hand.  
You're hit by a large fireball, which is reflected back.  
The fireball hits Jerry, but there is no effect.  
"Ah, someone is learning,"  
His Stand swings it's hands and sends you flying into a wall.

> You stop time.  
You extend your hand and touch the top of the pizza oven, freezing time inside it. You quickly jump out the window, landing quietly on the ground outside.  
"There's no one here!"

> You pull out a gun and aim it at Jerry.  
You pull a gun out and aim it at Jerry.  
You laugh and say "I've been warming my pizza oven all day. It became warm enough to where I can freeze time to save slices."  
"Time?"  
"Yes, time. If I could save the slices, then I can return to eat them in the future without having to wait hours for the slices to cool down."

> You say "But that's enough talk. Time to die Jerry."  
"Yes!"  
You fire the gun, and as you do, your right arm becomes frozen.

> You say "NANI!"  
"You think your bullets and fire can stop me?"  
"NANI!?!"  
Jerry's Stand hits you with a gust of wind, knocking you to the ground. Your body is growing colder by the second.  
"S-save me... Th..."  
You stop talking as you succumb to the cold.  
Your Stand shoves you inside an oven to warm you up.  
You manage to pull out your phone and unlock it, but all you get is a broken screen.

> You freeze time within time.  
You freeze time within time and sneakily move the oven out of the way.  
You move the oven slowly to behind the other appliances, before pausing it.  
"Good choice."

> You say "Didn't you know Jerry! I can freeze time while time is frozen."  
"Hm? How?"  
"By using what's inside time, of course."  
"Time is a machine?"  
"Exactly."  
"I don't understand.

> You say "Time flows even when it's not, allowing me to layer on an infinite number of Time Freezes. It's how I can make pizza so quickly. My brothers and sisters all share the same Stand as I do. It has been passed down in my family's bloodline for generations. But I seek greater power. Power that can make me one with the pizza gods!"  
"The pizza gods?"

> You say "Yes... In the very oldest tales, a man by the name of Peter Parker manage to become one with the pizza gods. He was given the Pizzatime Stand as gift from the pizza gods. I seek to follow in his footsteps. Reawaken the pizza gods once again and see what power they can give us to expand our business. My goal is to acquire world peace using the power of pizza!"  
"Heh, insane."

> You say "Dreams can only be insane if you don't understand them. Now Jerry..."  
You press your hands against the oven as it gets ready to close.  
Pizzatime Flurry Rushes Jerry. The oven door is about to close on his hands.  
You choose to freeze the oven in place, leaving Jerry stuck in an oven he can't get out of.  
"Got him!"

> You say "I shall add you to my collection of pizza slices. I hope you enjoy an eternity of grease and cheese."  
"You... You can't do that, man!"  
"I can too! I can now add you to my eternal pizza burner!"  
The oven door closes.

> You unfreeze time.  
You take out your phone and call time back to normal. You run quickly as stairs lead up to the kitchen.  
On the first floor you see a lone customer waiting for his pizza.

> You give him his pizza.  
You smile and hand the man his pizza. He smiles back at you, and walks away.

> You say "HEY! YOU GOTTA PAY FOR THAT!"  
You run over to the customer, who looks at you nervously.  
"I'm so sorry about that, come on I'll pay for your pizza!"  
"You don't have to do that..."

> You freeze time.  
You grab the man's hand and put the Freddy Krueger Pizza cutter against it. You slice through the man's hand and he screams in pain.  
"I'll pay for that!"

> You say "Darren... This is the last time you betray me."  
You grab the man, and freeze time once again. You use the same move on him until his head is a frozen mass of flesh that you can place on the table as a pizza topping. You smile.  
FIN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have never watched a single second Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure intentionally.


	3. Everyone dies at the end of this chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If Cloud kisses a girl, Sephiroth will destroy the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scenario by JimiSwag.

You are Cloud Strife, Ex-SOLDIER, First Class. You are in 7th Heaven, the bar in the Sector 7 slums, with Tifa Lockhart, Aerith Gainsborough, and Jessie Rasberry. You have a large Buster Sword on your back. Your arms are crossed and you are trying to avoid eye contact with all three of the girls. You had a vision earlier today of Sephiroth destroying the planet with Meteor because you kissed a girl.

Tifa comes up to you and gently gets your attention. "Cloud," says Tifa. "I have something I've been wanting to talk to you about ever since we grew up together in Nibelheim..."

"I don't want to talk about that," you say. Tifa looks at you longingly, before turning away, sadly.

Aerith jumps directly into your field of vision and smiles pleasantly at you. "Hi!" says Aerith. "You look really familiar! Have we met before?" She holds out a flower to you.

"We've never met. You can keep that. I don't have any use for it," you say. Aerith shrugs her shoulders, her bubbly persona unaffected by your dismissal of her.

Jessie saunters up to you and brushes against your arm. "Hey there SOLDIER-boy. You're really easy-on-the-eyes," says Jessie. "How about you and I go someplace more comfortable?"

"Ex-SOLDIER," you say. "I'm comfortable right here." You are clearly not comfortable.

Tifa grabs your hand and says, "Look, Cloud. I really need to get this off my chest..."

"Don't bother," you say.

Aerith pins the flower to you anyway and says, "I insist! I really like your big sword! I used to know someone with a sword just like it... you remind me of him." She smiles at you again and sways back and forth on her heels.

Jessie leans against you and says "How'd you like to equip your Materia in my slot?" The euphemism goes over you head.

"I don't need you to tell me how to equip Materia. I used to be a SOLDIER."

Jessie pouts and puts her hands on her hips. "Boy you're a thick one, huh? That's ok. I like 'em thick," she says, winking. She suddenly shoves you into the bar-room wall and says, "I'll be seeing you again soon, SOLDIER-boy." She laughs and licks her lips.

> You say "No."  
"What?" says Jessie.  
"I'm not joining you."  
"Oh? Why not?"  
"Because I don't like you."  
"Aww. Why not?"  
"Because I said so."  
"You don't have a choice. You're under my Control."  
"I don't care."  
"Alright then, be that way," says Jessie. She walks away in a huff.  
Aerith approaches you and whispers, "I like you. You remind me of my brother, so I want you to have this."

> You say "I don't wan't anything"  
Aerith frowns.  
"Please take this," says Aerith. She holds out a large, red gem to you.  
"A gem?

> You say "I don't want your damn gem."  
"Well, you could just hold it," says Tifa. "They're pretty."  
"Tifa, I think that's enough brandishing of weapons," you say.  
"Fine," says Tifa.  
"As for you, lovable loser," says Barkeep. "You want another drink?"  
"Yes," you say.  
The large, red gem catches the bartender's eye.

> You give gem to the bartender.  
"What's this?" asks the bartender.  
"It's a gem," you say. "A very valuable gem."  
The bartender smiles. "I'll make you another one if you give me that gem, mister."  
"Fine," you say. "Is this ale good?"  
"It's the best this town has to offer."  
You hand the bartender the gem, and he slides it into a compartment behind the bar.  
"Anything else?" asks the bartender.

> You say "A drink. Your strongest."  
"You got it."  
You drink down your drink and slam the glass on the counter.  
"More," you say.  
The bartender slides another glass forward, and you down it. You slam the glass down and say, "More."  
"I'm running low on alcohol," says the bartender. "Even if I had more alcohol, I wouldn't give it to you."

> You say "Fine."  
You say, "Fine."  
"Good," the bartender nods.  
You stand up and lean against the counter. You stare off into space, watching dust bunnies crawl across the floor.  
Tifa walks up to you. "Do you want to go find your sword now?"  
"I don't think it's here," you say. "I think someone took it while I was asleep."  
"I really hope so,"

> You say "You took it didn't you?"  
Tifa looks down. She twiddles her thumbs for a second, then pops them and hits herself in the head.

> You say "God dammit Tifa! Why the hell are you so obsessed with me?"  
"I didn't say I took it!" says Tifa.  
"You didn't need to. I could tell just by looking at your face. Just admit it already! What the hell's wrong with you? You're acting like a little kid."  
"I'm sorry," say Tifa. "You're right. I'm being an idiot."

> You say "You know what, why the hell is everyone so fucking horny around me? I've even noticed Barret acting strange when I'm around!"  
"I don't understand men," says Tifa. "Come on, let's get your sword."  
You follow Tifa into the hallway. She stops in front of a door with a button.

> You say "I have a feeling your leading me into your sex dungeon. Please prove me wrong."  
Tifa presses the button, and the door slides to the side.  
"Is this better?" asks Tifa.  
"No, it sucks."  
"You're funny," says Tifa. "Well, let's go."

> You go into room.  
"It's a room."  
"Whoop-dee-do," says Tifa. "Cool."  
Barrels line the walls, each full of unknown liquids.

> You say "50 gil those barrels are full of semen."  
"Stop it," says Tifa. "This is serious."  
"Why the hell are we here again?" you say.  
"To get your sword," says Tifa.

> You say "Yeah, like I believe that."  
Tifa shrugs and pulls you along. You follow her into the room. She stops in front of a wall, which is covered with shields and weapons of all kinds.  
"I pick this one," says Tifa, pointing to what looks like a katana.  
She runs her hand along the wall, finding the correct spot. She grabs ahold of a handle, and pulls down. She shines the flashlight on the wall, revealing that it comes off in one piece.  
"Yes!" she says. "It's a wall, but it's a secret passage.

> You say "secret passage to your sex dungeon?"  
"Um... yeah!" says Tifa.  
Tifa slides the wall open, revealing a musty room with a single staircase going down.  
"This is perfect," she says.

> You say "By the way, where the hell did you get Sephiroth's sword?"  
"It used to be over in the armory," says Tifa.

> You say "Ok anyway, you were about to lead me to your sex dungeon?"  
"No!" says Tifa. She walks over to you, and puts her hand on your chest. "I want to show you something."

> You say "Jesus Christ get your hands off me!"  
"Promise you won't laugh?"  
"I promise."  
"Close your eyes."  
Tifa leads you over to the wall, and then taps on it with her knuckles. It makes a hollow sound.

> You say "Is this the part where I open my eyes and all of my clothes are off?"  
"Shut up and open it."  
You shine the flashlight on the wall, revealing a set of stairs going down.  
"We have to go down these stairs," says Tifa.

> You say "Ok, I have no idea what we're doing anymore. This isn't even my sword."  
"Just trust me," says Tifa.  
"Why does everyone keep saying that?" you say.  
"Just do it," says Tifa.

> You say "Do what?"  
"Open up the stairway!"  
You take a deep breath, and grab the handle of the stairway door. With every ounce of strength you have, you yank it open.

> You say "Happy?"  
"No, let's get out of here," says Tifa.  
You follow her down the stairs. The stairway is extremely dark. You shine your light around, but see nothing.  
"We have to walk down these stairs," says Tifa. "Keep your flashlight out so you don't break your neck.

> You say "Uh, ok."  
"Also, don't break your neck... you know... walking down stairs..."  
You take a deep breath, and begin walking down the stairs. You take each one as it comes, and after about a minute, you've made it all the way down. You walk for a bit, trying to find your way out.  
"We have to keep going,"

> You say "Ok seriously, what the hell are we doing?"  
"Quiet," says Tifa.  
You stand perfectly still, listening to the silence. Soon, you begin to feel something... like a breeze on your face. A breeze that has a hint of something foul.  
"Jesus, someone left the door open," says Tifa.  
"We have to go through there," you say.  
Tifa chuckles a bit. "I thought you said you were quiet.

> You say "I see no reason to be quiet."  
"Yeah, I thought so... alright, keep your light out."  
Tifa turns on her flashlight, illuminating the hallway. You see a doorway about a hundred yards down it.  
"Let's go,"

> You say "What the hell kind of digging have you been doing down here?"  
"Necromancy," says Tifa.  
"What?"  
"Demon summoning. Necromancy. It's like demon summoning, except instead of... you know."  
"Summoning demons?"

> You say "Tifa, you could literally just use a summoning materia."  
"I could, but it would be easier with crackers and milk first," says Tifa. "Come on, there's a bunch of stuff down here we need to see."

> You say "I don't see why I need to see it but ok."  
"What's the point of this?" you ask.  
"Research."  
"Research for what?"  
"Research," says Tifa, rolling her eyes.  
You hear a bunch of giggling coming from behind the door.  
"What's in there?" you ask.  
"Porn," says Tifa.  
"Porn? What, like, actual sex acts or just pictures?" you ask.  
"Well, you know how there's a bunch of random dirty magazines in the SOLDIER headquarters' lounge?" says Tifa. "

> You say "Wait. Where the hell are we?"  
"We're in one of the abandoned mineshafts on the outskirts of Nipton," says Tifa.

> You say "For once you say something that actually makes sense."  
"How deep are we?" you ask.  
"We have to be in the Kobold's lair," says Tifa. "This is way deeper than any kobold would ever go.

> You say "Alright..."  
"What do you see down here?"  
"I see bones," says Tifa. "A lot of bones. So does... well, whatever died here. I'm guessing it wasn't a kobold."

> You say "So basically you're trying to summon kobolds?"  
"I'm trying to summon someone," says Tifa. "And anyway, they don't live down here. They come up to scavenge."  
"What do you mean? Who's down here?"  
"The dead," says Tifa. "Abandoned mine shaft. Lots of them. Let's see... what was I investigating again..."  
"What is it?

> You say "Wait, why the hell are you dragging me into this? You said we were here to get my sword."  
"I'm not dragging you into this!" says Tifa. "It's my fucking expedition! I found the abandoned mine shaft first! You're just along for the ride! In fact, maybe you should just go back."

> You say "Agreed. You owe me a new sword."  
"Fine!" says Tifa. "I'll give you a sword. A good sword. A sword forged from a good metal. Something that you can use!"  
"Sounds like you're suggesting prostitution.

> You say "Oh, uh... Where is the exit?"  
"It's the door you came in," says Tifa, pointing at the doorway. "It's just a bunch of rusted bars. Come on, open it."  
"Alright,"  
You exit Tifa's mineshaft and finally make it back to the bar.  
"Thank fuck," says Tifa, breathing a sigh of relief.  
"Heya Cloud!" Aerith says, waving at you. "I brought your sword back."  
You look down and spot your sword lying on the table. You pick it up and give it a look see.

> You say "You stole my god damn sword? You little bitch."  
"What?" says Tifa.

> You say "Aerith stole my fucking sword."  
"What!?" says Tifa.  
"You saw me drop it, you fucker," says Aerith. "It's not my fault you can't spot a girl with a crush."  
"Fuck you," you say, walking towards her.  
"Stop!" cries Tifa. "Aerith, what did you do?"  
"I gave Cloud a crush on me! I made him want to have sex with me!"

> You say "And I would, but GUESS WHAT?! Sephiroth told me years ago that if a girl kisses me, he's destroy the damn planet!"  
"What?" asks Tifa.  
"Yeah," you say. "So no offense, Tifa, but this is pretty pointless."  
Tifa grabs your hand and pulls you towards her.  
"Come on, I know the perfect way to cure you," she says.  
"Huh?" you say.  
She leans in and begins to kiss you. You feel the weirdest sensation as her lips meet yours.  
Suddenly, the ground in front of you begins to shake and rocks begin to fall. You throw yourself out of the way just in time.  
Sephiroth appears. He is in his silver outfit, but with a sword in his hand.  
"A traitors kiss!" he yells.  
Aerith and Tifa stare at you in shock.

> You say "GOD FUCKING DAMMIT TIFA!"  
"T-T-T-T-T... Th-Th-The hell!?" asks Tifa.  
Sephiroth laughs. "You disappoint me Cloud. It was such a simple request, and yet you let your childhood friend kiss you."  
"Shut up," you say.  
Tifa begins to panic.  
"S-s-s-sorry!" she says, stepping back.  
"This is it Cloud. The planet is now doomed because of your actions. The world will be reborn again, but not before a Mother Earth line is drawn. You have angered the planet and it has struck back. My mother once said that the planet would punish those who trespassed against it.  
Everything explodes.  
You are killed instantly by a small rock.  
fin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god I got way too in to the Cloud role.


	4. Vinny Vinesauce’s character arc

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vinny gets banished to the Shadow realm by Sephiroth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scenario by Morki Moo.

You are Vinny Vinesauce, a streamer on Twitch. It's early 2020, and this hot new game called AI Dungeon is really popular. You decide to play it a bit for your many viewers, and it goes great! Everyone loves how quirky and random the AI who makes the responses is, and you've got a decent amount of donations. Everything is going good. Until...

You are playing a fantasy adventure. You have your character use some magic, but it was a mistake. Your characters magic causes a nearby pile of green slime to grow and transform into... a slime girl. And she's naked! You are starting to panic, because you just wanted to have a fun adventure, but now it's going NSFW! You have to start a new one because the slime girl's lewdness violates Twitch's rules. But at the same time, the chat is spamming pog emojis, and seem to want you to, in the words of Deadthing Rating, "do the lewds" with the slime girl. You are torn between these many feelings, but ultimately decide to 'fck mwth slme grl'.

This your first time becoming an infamous streamer, and it also the beginning of the end for you.

> You say "NOT IF I CAN HELP IT"  
You start screaming in a deep voice.

> You suplex slime girl.  
You throw the naked slime girl at the camera.  
"FUCKING PORNOGRAPHS! I am Vinny Vinesauce, the greatest entertainer since Jesus Christ!"

> You use ultima materia to destroy the slime girl.  
This is a very dark turn of events.  
You take the magic wand you brought with you and blast a hole in the naked girl with it.

> You walk out of the Chucky Cheese.  
You are outside, and the sun is shining brightly.  
You decide to buy a mountain bike at your local toy store.

> You steal a mountain bike.  
You quickly steal the mountain bike and start riding towards your home.

A police car pulls up next to you while you were riding, and the window goes down  
"Hey kid, put your hands up!"

> You flip him off.  
You laugh at the police officer.  
The police officer is pissed and starts shooting.

> You r U N.  
You try to run away and escape!  
You ride for several minutes, as the police continue to fire at you. You lose control of the bike and crash into the ground.  
The police is now chasing you.

> You run harder.  
You can hear sirens getting closer.  
Several police cars pull up behind you and dozens of angry cops open fire on you with their guns.

> You cast a ward spell.  
You cast a ward to protect yourself from the gunfire, but you aren't fast enough as some of the bullets hit you.  
You die before your 18th birthday.  
f 

> You rise from your grave.  
You hate your life.  
You decide to go on a murdering spree in the town of Teckleville.  
You goes well.

> You say "AYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA"  
You have a revelation on how to make money on Twitch.  
You type in 'HOW TO MAKE A MILLION ON TWITCH' into google, and many different articles come up.

> You read every last one of them.  
Most of the articles say something similar to what you're already doing. You need a partnered stream, subscribers, and advertising to make that much.

> You invest in the stonks.  
You buy every single streamer on Twitch. You spend your entire life savings of $500 on 1,000 different streamers.  
It takes you months, but eventually you have over 100 partnered streamers.

> You make a million dallaz.  
You turn on your stoned stream.  
You begin playing Call of Duty and begin streaming it. The stream is a success, and you make a million dollars in less than a day.

> You morph into V-Dub.  
You spend the next few months becoming V-Dub. He's a successful you, with a large channel, a large following, a large money amount, and a large amount of cocaine.

> You smoke all of the cocaine.  
You decide to go on a drug binge. You start snorting cocaine, then start smoking it, then really start digging the heavy metal music that comes with it, then finally start combining all three.

> You morph back into Vinny Vinesauce.  
You have a disagreement with V-Dub over a matter relating to coke. You both end up getting into a physical altercation ending in V-Dub getting stabbed to death with a 10 inch butcher's knife.

> You go to his funeral.  
You attend his funeral.  
You realize how much pain you're in without your drug intake.

> You continue streaming.  
You maintain a partnered stream, with various drugs and alcohol in your system. You decide to keep drinking alcohol for awhile. Unfortunately you black out and end up near a prostitutes house, pissing on her doorsteps.  
Sephiroth appears in front of you and gives you a creepy smile, it seems like he's mocking you.

> You say "hello baby"  
He licks his lips, it seems like he's speaking.  
"Hello, new friend of mine. I hope we can become friends, and friends don't tease their friends friends, do they?"  
"No."  
Sephiroth banishes you to the Shadow realm.  
You land with a thud on the Shadow realm. You look around and find yourself inside a forest. You don't know how you got here.

> You lick a tree.  
You decide to go with your natural instinct of licking things. You find yourself licking a tree in the middle of the Shadow Realm for no reason.  
An ominous voice suddenly shatters your thoughts.  
"Hey, what are you doing?"  
You look up and see yourself from behind. You are shocked to see yourself, it seems like a ghost-like you.  
"W-who are you? How did you get in here?"  
"I told you, I'm you. Or, I was you anyway."  
"What?"  
"Look, you're smart, right?

> You say "no"  
"No, you're a moron."  
"You can read, you just don't want to. Now stop talking and start running or I'll kill you where you stand."

> You say "ok"  
"Alright then, that's what I thought."  
You don't know what this ghost wants, but you want to get out of here as quickly as possible. Immediately you break into a run.

> You stream yourself running from yourself.  
You attempt to stream yourself, but your reflexes are too slow and you fail to start streaming yourself. You run into the forest as the ghostly image of yourself chases you.

> You hide in a bush and start streaming.  
You hide and immediately start to start streaming, you begin hiding in bushes and behind trees until you notice the ghostly you has disappeared. The forest is now empty.

> You say "Yo guys my name is Vinny Vinesauce and today I have been banished to the shadow realm."  
You start streaming as black voids appear in front of your eyes. You have a feeling you may end up in one of these black voids later.

> You explore the shadow realm.  
You begin exploring the black voids that exist in the Shadow Realm. You quickly notice that all of the shadow realm appears to be a giant version of your school, only there are no humans.  
You are haunted by your time in high school where you cannot remember where your locker is. All you have left is your laptop that is able to stream yourself as you attempt to find it.  
A large black void begins pulling you in, you attempt to scream but cannot find the energy to do so.

> You say "a"  
Hey guys, in this video I'm going to be explaining how I got banished to the shadow realm. In the video I said I was streaming myself looking for my locker, in fact that's what led me there. Though while my world is getting destroyed, I see that there's another world out there, a real world. I want to get back to that world and I'm going to show you how to do it.

> You search for your locker.  
You search for your locker, and as you do, you notice that the players from the black voids are also trying to get back to their world. One by one they fail and disappear forever.

> You swear an oath to escape the Shadow realm.  
Swearing and G-rated swearing only. I don't want my mom to see this.  
You swear to escape the Shadow realm.  
Good job! You've made it to the Flag Realm.

> You get flagged on Twitch.  
Once you've managed to stand up, you realize that your entire screen is filled with the Twitch chat.  
"Vinny's alive!!!"  
"Man Vinny, why aren't you dead?

> You say "I never died, I was banished to the Shadow Realm by Sephiroth."  
"Oh. That's odd. Rival just died on stream."  
"No way!"  
"Yeah way. You should totally play Paladins with us!

> You take a break from escaping and play Paladins.  
You take a break from escaping and play Paladins for a while. Eventually you manage to get your body moving again, but only slowly.

> You continue searching for your locker.  
You never find your locker in the Shadow Realm, but you do find a mysterious chest in the corner of the room.  
"Okay, mystery solved."

> You open chest.  
As soon as you open the chest you feel an incredible rush of energy flow into your body, giving you enough strength to not only see yourself escape the Realm, but to actually do it.

> You escape the Shadow Realm.  
You manage to get yourself out of the Realm by simply giving into your suicidal urges and will to die. The energy drained from you as soon as you made the decision to leave the Realm.

> You go back to earth.  
You make it out of the Shadow Realm and slowly fall to the ground. You lightly smash your head on a rock and go unconscious.

> You wake up in your house in Staten Island.  
When you wake up your Mom is standing over you.  
"Hey sweetie, you were in a coma for almost a week." She says.  
"Why did you go into the coma?

> You say "I escaped the Shadow Realm"  
"Oh! That's great honey! Are you okay?"  
"I'm fine I guess, I just wish I wasn't so weak right now."  
"You're not weak, you're back home.

> You say "cool, Is there a giant meteor in the air?"  
"What? No, I don't think so...

> You look outside.  
There is a giant meteor in the sky.

> You panic.  
"Sweetie, calm down."  
The giant meteor is going to hit the Earth.  
"What do I do?"  
"Oh don't worry, it'll hit a little ways past your house.

> You say "Oh god! Sephiroth is going to kill us!"  
"He's not coming yet, but get inside."  
You bolt towards the house as the giant meteor burns up in the atmosphere.

> You grab your buster sword.  
You run back into your house. You grab your buster sword, which you forgot to pick up when you fled the Shadow Realm. You then go back outside.  
Using the power you obtained from the Shadow Realm to fly to the meteor. You fly under it and begin hacking into it with your sword.  
Sephiroth appears in front of you. He grabs your throat with his hand, and begins to crush it.  
"I'm going to kill you like I killed the rest of humanity." He spits.

> You say "Not unless I can travel back in time in order to prevent you from killing humanity in the first place binyot."  
This causes him to push you away and laugh. "Oh really? Think you can?"  
"I do."  
"Then prove it."  
"When?"  
"Now."  
"Now?"  
"Yes."  
"How?"  
"I don't know, you'll have to tap into your incredible mental powers to will yourself back there.

> You travel back in time to when Sephiroth was born.  
You return to when the world was still stable and living in harmony, but now life has changed. Mankind has created a system of nations, theSamedis-Féval Treaty.

> You kill Hojo.  
You shoot Hojo in the back of the head with your buster sword. He falls dead to the ground. Two soldiers grab you and begin interrogating you.  
"What the hell did you just do?

> You travel back to the present.  
You return back to the room where you see the giant meteor shower approaching. Giant chunks of the planet begin to be destroyed. You hear a booming noise. It's the impact of one of the bigger ones.

> You say "shit"  
The room gets bigger and you feel an incredible impact, causing you to be knocked off your feet. You smash your head into the ground and lose consciousness.

> You travel back in time to where you killed Hojo.  
You travel back to when you killed Hojo. You see yourself finishing off Hojo.

> You say "STAAPPP"  
You hear a chuckle, and you turn around see Hojo pointing a flintlock at you.

> You say "OH SHIT THERE WERE TWO HOJO's"  
"Yeah two of us, lucky I am the good one."  
"How do you know which one is the good one?"  
"The bad one killed the world. I'm trying to save it.

> You say "but after killing the other you and traveling to the present, the meteor still collided with earth."  
"Yeah well this is an alternate timeline."  
"But why did the future of the other Hojo's actions matter? I mean the future in which he didn't kill the world was still bad right?"  
"Yeah that's what I thought too, but then if you kill him... well let's just say it changes things. You'd be surprised at the things that can happen if you alter time.  
"So for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction eh? Well that's good to know. So how do I stop the meteor from hitting the planet? I thought you said you didn't know how to."  
"Yeah well I've heard of the power of science. If I knew how you could've fixed it, I'm sure I would've tried."

> You shoot Hojo.  
You shoot at Hojo with your buster sword, he barely even moves. He raises his gun and shoots you in the head.

> You freeze time.  
Time seems to freeze. You see a look of shock appear on Hojo's face as his gun slips from his grasp, hitting the ground and then hoppping into the air and over your head.

> You kill Hojo.  
You levitate over to Hojo and grab his gun. You aim it at him.  
"Who are you?" He asks.  
"My name is Vinny Vinesauce." You sneer.  
"That's a weird name."  
"Do you like it?"  
"No... but it's not my concern, I'm concerned with why YOU killed me."  
You shoot him.  
"I'm afraid I don't know what you mean."  
You fire again.  
"It... burns! my skin is on fire!"  
You fire again, forming a big hole in his chest.

> You travel back to the present.  
You awaken with a start.  
The meteor is still coming towards earth but you have more time than you did previously to kill Sephiroth so you're fine with this outcome.

> You fly towards the meteor.  
You fly towards the meteor at a decent speed.  
You see the metal object getting closer and closer to your location. You need to hurry up and find a weakness in it.

> You destroy the meteor.  
You fire a powerful beam of light directly at the center of the meteor. It crackles and sizzles in pain, before you fire again, completely disintegrating it into a million pieces.  
Sephiroth appears.  
"There you are!"  
He raises his sword and swings it like a baseball bat, smacking you in the face and sending you spiraling towards the planet. You smash into the ground and die instantly.

> You go to heaven.  
You awaken cluttering your garden.

> You say "Where am I?"  
"You're in the garden of course." replies a voice.  
You look around and realize you're standing directly in the middle of your lawn.  
"I am God." the voice says.

> You say "Cool, can I go back?"  
"Sure, just leave the bowl of dog food outside my bedroom window.. I'll let the kitten out soon." God commands.

> You place the dog food by the bedroom window.  
God lets the kitten out the bedroom window and watches it stalk down the garden and pounce on the dog food.  
"Huh, can't say I'd trust that cat."

> You wake up.  
You wake up and stretch.

> You fly towards Sephiroth.  
You fly towards where your last memories of him were. You see a man in a black coat holding a sword standing over the remnants of what used to be a helicopter.  
"I'm God's creature."

> You say "SEPHIROTH! YOU KILLED V-DUB!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
You yell, running at him with a crazed look on your face.  
You tackle him and the pair of you fall to the ground. You raise your fist to smash it into his face but he catches your wrist. He brings his sword close to your throat.  
"I'm not here to kill you, it's your word against mine." he says calmly.

> You say "Why did you kill V-Dub?"  
"Because he was going to turn me in."  
he says, calmly.

> You say "So it was YOU who stole that mountain bike!"  
"Yep."  
"And you killed my dad!"  
"I didn't kill your father."  
You spit in his face.  
"You're a liar!"  
He wipes it from his eye with the back of his hand.  
"I'm not lying."  
He slowly moves the sword away from your throat.  
"God told me to kill you."

> You say "I will avenge V-Dub!"  
"That's what they all say. It's why I like killing them before they avenge their parents."  
"It's why I'm going to kill you!"  
"I'm looking forward to it."  
You and Sephiroth teleport to the center of the universe. You stand a good distance apart from each other and draw your swords.  
"I'm in a better position to kill you than you are to kill me. So this will be a long fight."  
"Indeed."  
The universe is silenced.

> You attack Sephiroth.  
You take a fighting stance. At the same time,Sephiroth raises his sword.  
The two of you clash swords. It is the most amazing swordsmen duel you have ever seen. Both of you are equally matched when it comes to swordsmanship. Neither one of you are able to gain the advantage for very long.  
After a while, you are both put on your backs on the ground.  
V-Dub appears.  
"Dude, I forgot my medicine."  
You both are able to get up and run over to him. He hands you the bottle of Metamucil.  
You both look at each other.

> You say "What the fuck did you do Sephiroth?"  
"Nothing."  
V-Dub finishes taking his medicine. "Thanks, now I'm gonna kill both of you and transform everybody on Earth into a gamer."  
"You can't."  
"Why the hell not? I'm the avatar of the human race, that's why."  
You and Sephiroth decide to team up in order to defeat V-Dub.  
You both take a fighting stance.  
"You can't kill me, I'm the God of the human race!"  
"That's no reason not to die."  
"Fine."

> You and Sephiroth attack V-Dub.  
V-Dub is taking a medicine to increase his gaming abilities. Due to it, his head is in the clouds and he's floating, making it harder to hit him.

> You omnislash V-Dub.  
You and Sephiroth shift into omnislash, V-Dub looks a bit worried.  
With a war cry, you both begin to swing your swords. V-Dub attempts to block, but both of you are faster than he is and your swords collide with his. He falls to the ground a few times before you both slam your swords into him destroying his body.  
The bodies of V-Dub and his avatar are sent to the underworld, never to be seen again.  
With the threat over, everyone is able to log on to the website once again.

> You fist bump Sephiroth.  
"Good game."  
"You too."  
You both fist bump.  
Everyone begins to celebrate, you can't help but join in the celebration. It is nice to see everyone so happy.

> You kiss Sephiroth on the cheek.  
"Thank you."  
"For what?"  
You kiss him on the cheek. "For the victory."  
He smiles at your gesture.

> You and Sephiroth teleport back to earth.  
You and him teleport back to earth.  
Upon your return, you everyone gathers around you to celebrate your victory over V-Dub, which made everyone happy.  
When the celebration is over, you go home.

> You stream on Twitch.  
You continue to stream.  
A year passes...  
It's been five years since you left your life as a hero behind you, and began living as a normal high school student.  
Your boyfriend Sephiroth has taken it upon himself to protect the planet from harm. Not a bad thing to aim for.  
V-Dub and his crew have been defeated, but the shadows of anarchy still fall over the 'verse.  
But all in all, the planet is saved and you have become the hero the world deserves.

> You eat the maclanky.  
You finish eating the mac'n'cheese. Tastes good.  
You yawn, looking at the time. It's late, and you need to get to bed. You've got school in the morning...  
FIN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally have no words for this one.


	5. Peppe’s Bizarre Adventure: Episode 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peppe and Gunguy get kicked out of their own pizzeria. Now they must take it back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Same scenario I used for part 1.

You are Peppe. Your job is that of an average Pizza Boi, working in Pakistan. After a certain life changing event, that you don't like talking about, you realise that you've awoken a "spirit-like" entity known as a stand. You are accompanied by your only friend and ally, Scumfred who's stand's name is Gunguy. Your own stand's name is Pizzatime, and it's ability involves time manipulation.  
Now, a certain mysterious man has offered you a deal, to be a "Hero", if you and Scumfred accept it.

> You accept deal.  
You and Scumfred are whisked away to the shadows where a man sinfully dressed in a tuxedo, with a manner almost as charming as Beelze's, stands with an equally devious looking man.

> You say "Is this what it's like when you're about to get raped?"  
"Ah how understanding of you", the man smiles. "I presume you are Peppe and that Scumfred has explained the situation to you?"  
Scumfred trembles in fear.

> You say "Actually, Scumfred is a useless cunt who never tells me anything."  
The man looks sternly at you.  
"Then I suppose you won't understand the situation. Scum, tell him."  
"I tried", Scum sobs. "He never listens!"  
"Well then maybe you should stop trying then", the man says, his smile faltering slightly.

> You say "You know what? That's a great idea."  
"Ha ha hahahaha! I'm sorry, but are you sure about that?" The man asks.  
"Yes. Yes I am"

> You say "Anyway, why the fuck are we here?"  
"Oh yes, well the man you just insulted is Behemoth, my brother and the man who runs this little organization.  
You say "Not interested." You freeze time and pull out a gun and aim it at him and Behemoth. "FOOL! I knew why I was here from the start! I came here to catch you two inside my pizza oven along with Jerry!"  
Behemoth and the other man stare at you in shock as time resumes.  
"Peppe, what's going on?" Behemoth asks.

> You say "I have frozen time. I have been planning to catch you two since the monster girl plane crashed into the twin towers!"  
"So you've been planning this from before then?" Behemoth asks, not quite believing you.

> You say "Stop fucking asking me your retarded questions or I'll suplex you into Minecraft!"  
"Be still you magnificent beast." Behemoth says as he fondles your Horns.

> You say "Now... TIME TO DIE!"  
"Wait! Please!" Behemoth cries. "We can work this out!"  
"I'm afraid I can't." You say and fire a freeze bullet at Behemoth.  
Time resumes.  
"Ah shit. Fuck you bastard!" Behemoth screams and charges at you, knocking over tables and sending chairs flying.

> You freeze time.  
Behemoth charges at you, knocking over tables and chairs.  
Time continues to freeze.  
"What the hell are you doing?" Scum asks. "You need to move!"

> You say "Shut the fuck up Scum! I've got this."  
"Fuck you! I'm not afraid of death!"  
Time unfreezes.

> You freeze time and shoot Behemoth.  
Behemoth attempts to crash into you, but the combined strength of him and his charge is not enough to knock you off your feet. You stand firm, raise your hands, and fire a freeze bullet directly at Behemoth.

> You capture Behemoth in the pizza oven.  
Behemoth is frozen in place, but there's a loud crunching sound as you accidentally step on Behemoth's leg with your other foot. This is followed by a yell of pain.

> You shove him in your pizza oven.  
You shove Behemoth inside the pizza oven and close the door.

> You say "Well Scumfred, I captured Behemoth. I'd say it's a job well done."  
"You're not done yet!" Scumfred yells.

> You bitch slap him. "YES I AM DONE YOU FUCKING CHILD MOLESTER!”  
"YOU FUCKING KID MOLESTER!"  
You slap Scumfred and continue walking towards the door.  
"I'll have you know my children love me. I wasn't molesting them!"  
"Ha fucking ha!

> You say "Let's go Scumfred. I haven't finished delivering all of my pizza for today."  
"Oh yes, the pizza. The pizza is stored on the table outside the door."  
"Great, so we're done for today then."  
"Very well."

> You deliver pizza with Scumfred.  
You and Scumfred go see the various businesses you delivered to. As you're doing this you get called to the police station because of a complaint about loud music coming from your van.

> You say "WHAT YOU DON'T LIKE IT WHEN I BLAST SPIDER-MAN PIZZA TIME AT FULL VOLUME WITH THE WINDOWS DOWN?! THIS IS FUCKING DISCRIMINATION MOTHER FUCKER! "  
You're taken to the station and questioned for several hours until finally you're released when it's discovered that your boss, Mr. Reynolds, is also the postman for the town and it wouldn't be cost effective to have two.  
You take a deep breath and relax after you get out of the police station.

> You turn to Scumfred and say "We have a boss named Mr. Reynolds?"  
"Yes."  
"What if I want to be called Steve?"  
"You're not funny."  
You shrug and continue driving.

> You say "I thought I was the boss of my own pizzeria. What if this man is a SHAM!"  
"Your name will appear on the marquee."  
"Oh."  
The rest of the day goes by without any complications.  
UNTIL:  
You're pulling up to the house of Mr. Reynolds who is standing on his driveway. He's barely been marked for burglary, but he's old and value wasn't much if you needed it.

> You say "Mr. Reynolds, who the hell are you and why did you take over my pizza place?"  
"I own this place now and you're out."  
"What?"  
"Your father passed last year and left the business to me. You don't work for me, you're fired."

> You say "YOU MALE BITCH!"  
"Watch your damn language, and get off my property or I'll have you arrested."  
You notice all of the cars that are outside revving their engines. One in particular has its music up very loud.

> You say "You won't get away with this Reynolds. I will come from behind."  
You start your car and slowly creep forward. You know it'll only be a matter of time before Reynolds calls the police.

> You drive home.  
You pull away and drive home.  
You wonder how this happened and Scumfred seems interested in your story, but he's also been drinking since this ordeal started.

> You say "We were fucking fired from our own pizzeria by Mr. Reynolds! Fucking unbelievable!"  
"The man that sells booze and drugs in his store and refuses to hire anyone under twenty-five…I'd say he's an asshole, but I can't imagine many people would disagree with that assessment."  
"Reynolds must be some kind of bastard."  
Scumfred nods in agreement. You drive on and take a sharp left and back onto the highway.

> You say "We need to calculate our move on how we can take back the pizzeria."  
"I'm going to need you to think out loud here."  
"Well, what can we do?"  
"I don't know. We need to come up with a plan. I mean, I don't want to just give up and go join the circus."  
"Heh, Scumfred didn't think much of that last idea, but he's right. We can't just give up, there has to be a better way to make money."  
"I don't see one. We've tried all kinds of ideas and nothing has worked yet.

> You say "I GOT IT! WE WILL RAISE ENOUGH MONEY SELLING PIZZA AND THEN BUY AN ANTI TANK RIFLE FROM A PAWN SHOP AND BLAST MR. REYNOLDS AWAY WITH IT!"  
"That's a new one. You realize if the tank actually works you won't need to waste all that money buying a rifle, right?

> You say "Fuck you. We're going with my plan."  
"You're really determined. Okay then, I suppose we need money."  
"What better way to make money than to steal it!

> You make pizza.  
You walk into the next town and get some dough from the store. It isn't nearly as easy since they won't let you buy just a small amount. You have to buy a large amount.

> You use your stand to make pizza.  
You get to work on your pizza. It goes well, but you realize you can't just make one and expect people to eat it. You need to sell it. You use your stand to advertise and make some more.

> You make pizza until you have a million dollars.  
You make a billion dollars on your pizza deals. You decide you can afford to buy yourself enough time to get out of the state.  
You make your escape in a car and drive down to Texas where you are safe.

> You go to area 51.  
You walk into the 51st state governmental building to file some paperwork. When you get there, you are stopped by military and told that Area 51 is off limits to citizens.

> You break in.  
You sneak in through an underground entrance and board a shuttle to Area 51. As you fly over mountain and desert you notice the wheels are no longer making any noise.

> You go to their armory.  
You walk over to the armory and examine the numerous explosives, C4, plastic explosives, and other fun things that could be used for sabotage or destruction.

> You grab pizza mech.  
As you examine the explosive weapons, a small robot scampers up to you and makes a beep beep sound with it's mouth.  
"Hey! What's your name?"

> You say "Peppe Parker"  
"Peppe Parker! The future is female!"  
You notice a change in the TSA agents personality. He smiles at you and tells you to have a nice day.

> You say "WAIT A MINUTE! THE FUTURE CANT BE FEMALES! I SUPPORT GAY RIGHTS!"  
"Oh! Huh, didn't notice you there..." The agent responds. "Tell me, do you support equal rights for robot humans?"  
"Robots can't be humans, they're machines!

> You freeze time.  
You step forward and grab the robotic agent causing the other agents to stop moving.  
"What is the meaning of this sir?

> You say "FOOL! Imagine a world where everyone one is female... It would be a massive MELON FEST! If that is the future you desire, then I shall make sure you can experience it in HELL! Prepare to die Republican!"  
You press a button causing the agent to explode into goop.  
You grin and begin making your escape.  
"We need to inform the public!"  
You freeze time again and hide in a supply closet.

> You steal the pizza war mech.  
You try to make one more grab for power.  
"Wait!" Tom says.  
You stop and turn around but it is too late. Steve screams as the explosion hits him.

> You say "HAHAHAHAHAHA! Foolish AI Dungeon, I don't even know a guy named Steve!"  
The other agents are in shock.  
"I don't know why I told you that..."  
"Hey that's some good pizza!"  
You storm out of the room ignoring their ramblings.

> You shoot them with your pizza guns.  
The agents are hit several more times by your pizza guns. They begin to scream as the smell of fresh pizza fills the air in the room.  
"Smells like pepperoni!" Peppe screams with glee.

> You go to your pizzeria.  
You take a deep breath and grin.  
"Wait, there's someone on the phone for me!" You yell from the back room.  
You pick up the call.  
"Hello?"  
A small voice answers.  
"You have reached the Pizza Joint"  
"Are you the owner?" You ask.  
"I am Master Shake. We are out of breadsticks though. Would you like to order?

> You say "DAMMIT! This is Mr. Reynolds doing isn't it. I will fucking slice him in half with my pizza blade."  
"That would be you then, so you would be in luck. He is currently in the kitchen."  
"Ha ha! I knew it! I'm coming over right now!"

> You bust in to your pizzeria.  
You storm in to your restaurant with a pizza blade.  
"Hey! Who are you?" You ask.  
The man turns and pops the bubble of his gum.

> You freeze time.  
You lock eyes with the man. Time stands still as you stare at each other.  
The gum bursts.  
"Hi, I'm Steve!" The man smiles from ear to ear.

> You say "Why the AI want me to know a guy named Steve? I will never know..."  
Master Shake begins to laugh uncontrollably.  
"Why the AI are they fools!" He says between laughs. "I am not Steve though."  
"Well who are you then?  
"I'm your butler, Alfred. Pleasure to meet you."  
You grab a slice of pizza and pop it in your mouth.

> You laugh. "Fool, while you were introducing yourself, you was charging up your pizza cannon. you was doing so since you came into this building! Now...are any of you hungry?  
You grab a slice of pepperoni and throw it to the floor.  
"Eat!" You yell as you freeze time once again.  
The mutant birds are still hungry and peck at the pizza on the ground.

> You blast them with your pizza cannon.  
You fire your pizza cannon straight at the birds. The pie projectiles hit a few of them, freezing them in time along with their flying companions.  
"Hey! I'm ravenous."

> You shove Steve and Master Shake inside your pizza oven.  
You slam the two men inside your pizza oven and turn the dial to 550 degrees.  
"BURN IN THE PIZZA OVEN!" You yell.

> You bust into Mr. Reynolds office.  
You bust inside the office only to see a man with a goatee and wearing a red robe.  
"Ah, a smart guy. I'm the head priest from the Church of Joachim."

> You say "The Church of Joachim... WAS THAT HIS PLAN ALL ALONG! TO CONVERT MY PIZZERIA TO JOACHIM RELIGION, THE ANTI PIZZA ORGANIZATION!"  
"Well, now that you mention it..."  
"I knew it! He's using this to undermine the core beliefs of pizza!"  
You grab a slice of chalk and throw it at Mr. Reynolds face.  
Mr. Reynolds calls his Stand.  
You quickly draw a circle on the floor to summon Pizzatime.  
"He's using a god's name in vain!" The priest says.  
Mr. Reynolds Stand's ability is to use the power of god. Any un-believer who utters the name of the god will be frozen in time. You don't know if it's because you insulted Joachim, but you're pretty sure this is the case.

> You pull out your pizza assault rifle.  
You pull out your rifle and start shooting. Pizza flies out of the mortar and pestle and hits Mr. Reynolds.  
Mr. Reynolds pulls out his holy shield and deflects the bullets.  
"YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" He yells which causes the bullets to bounce back at you.  
Your brain is fried and fried again, fried and fried and more fried.

> You freeze time.  
You freeze time and your body is spared from the bullets. You are filled with rage though.  
"I'm going to destroy you!"

> You freeze time.  
You freeze time. You levitate over to Mr. Reynolds and fire your rifle.  
There are bullets, but there is no sound. Eventually, in a strange way, you reach him.

> You say "HAHAHAHAHA! FOOL! If you fry pizza, you only make me stronger."

> You say "HAHAHAHAHA! FOOL! If you fry pizza, you only make me stronger."  
"That's a solid point, sir." The TV's Alfred says.  
"And now, my body is invulnerable!" Mr. Reynolds laughs.  
You pull out your sword and prepare to chop him into pieces."I don't think you realize how much power you have given me, Steve-e."

> You say "I am no Steve... I AM PEPPE, THE GREATEST PIZZA BOI OF ALL TIME!"

You are protected by your invincibility. You land on top of Reynolds, and he falls to the floor."I am a MANiac. I will have my revenge on all those who have done this to me!"

> You slice Mr. Reynolds.  
You grab your sword and swing it at Reynolds. You are not the most skilled swordsman, but this is a great opportunity to finish him off.  
Unfortunately, his holy shield absorbs most of your swings and now he is laughing uncontrollably.

> You say "Yayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayaya"  
Mr. Reynolds falls to the floor, laughing.

> You flurry rush Mr. Reynolds.  
You quickly rush towards Mr. Reynolds and flurry attack him. You swing your sword five times, once for each of the Five Families of New York.  
Mr. Reynolds stands no chance. He is killed instantly.  
"And so ends the story of Steve-e, the greatest pizza maker of all time."  
You sigh as the closing credits role.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What the fuck is up with my brain.


	6. OH YEAH!!!!!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> KOOLAID MAN NEEDS BLOOD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scenario by CinnamonJesus.
> 
> (Violence warning)

You are the Kool-Aid Man, a giant glass pitcher of red Tropical Punch with a smily face on it. You were designed by Kool-Aid to "break into the markets," and you have found that the fastest way to achieve this is to break into people's houses and kill them. To make sure "customers are fully satisfied," you will drain their corpses of their blood to refill your pitcher. Today is your first field day. It's time.

You pull up to your first house, a nice looking one. A one-story, tan house with white trimming. In the middle of the front lawn is a medium size tree.

> You break through the wall of the house and yell "OH YEAH!!!!!"  
You are a killer. You are not afraid of anything, because nothing is going to stop you from getting the blood you need to survive.

> You kill the Caucasian family of five.  
You punch through the wall of the house, screaming "I'M THE KA-POWING KIDNEY BOY!!!! COME ON OUT, OR YOU'LL END UP LIKE OSCAR!!!!"

As you open fire on the family, killing the mother and father instantly, the two teenagers hide in the basement. The kids are around your age, sixteen or seventeen.

> You kill the kids.  
You burst down the basement stairs, spraying bullets everywhere. As you kill the kids, blood spursc your hands, feet, and knees.

> You drain their blood.  
You empty the teens' bodies, drinking their blood to survive. You feel your pitcher slowly fill with their blood, and you yell in ecstasy.

> You go to their neighbors house.  
You burst through the wall of the next house, opening fire on its surprised inhabitants. You let out a roar, and begin laughing. They are too scared to even yell.  
You have sphincter control.

> You drain their blood.  
You kill the family of four, drinking their blood and feeling high as a kite. The blood you drink makes you high, and you laugh uncontrollably as you hear people screaming from other neighbourhoods.

> You fire a Davy Crockett at the neighborhood.  
You fire the gun into the air. Your voice booms throughout the neighborhood. You begin laughing.  
"I'm the boogie man!" you laugh, firing the gun into the air again.

> You grapple hook an orphan.  
You grab an orphan and pull them towards you. You bite their neck, drinking their blood to survive. You toss their corpse aside, and continue searching for victims.

> You become the blood god.  
You run around town, killing people and drinking their blood. You laugh as you see their blood spurt as you cut them. In fact, you find it quite amusing that you're actually drinking blood.  
You have to admit, it's not as bad as you thought. You laugh as you realize that you're now actually HAPPY to be killing people.

You then ascend into godlyhood  
, and begin your immortal reign of terror.  
You sit in a house, bored out of your mind, wondering what to do.

> You summon a skinny wanly dude.  
You summon up a thin young man. He's wearing a red robe, fitting for a priest of some sort.  
"Um... hi," he says nervously.

> You drain his blood.  
You take the man's neck, gently pressing your mouth against his. You lightly press your teeth against it, the blood bursting into your mouth.

> You say "OH YEAH!!!!!!!!"  
You wake up in the morning.  
You notice a bowl of cereal on the kitchen table. You glance at the clock: 7:30. Huh. It's not even morning yet, but you're starving.

> You drink more blood.  
You open the refrigerator, and grab a can of diet coke, popping it open.  
You glance at the bowl of cereal on the table. You grab a spoon, eating it down.

> You say "Wait a minute, where's my blood?!"  
You spot your reflection in the mirror, staring at yourself in it. You're pale, gaunt, and your eyes hold a dead-ness in them that you've never seen before.

> You search your house for blood.  
You walk into your living room, and begin searching through the different rooms of this house. You glance into the master bedroom, and into the bathroom.  
You glance back into the living room, and stop.

> You say "WHERE IS MY BLOOD?!?!??!?!!???!?!!"  
You hear footsteps. You turn around, staring at the person who opened the front door. He's short, bald, and dressed in a black suit.  
"Hello, Anthony," the man says, staring at you.

> You say "YOU STOLE ALL OF MY BLOOD"  
"Really? I didn't notice you in the living room, drinking the bowl dry," the man says.

> You say "NOW IT IS TIME FOR ME TO BLAST OPEN YOUR ARTERIES!!!!!!"  
"Anthony, what's gotten into you?" the man says. "You've been acting very strange."  
"Well it's true!" you say. "Don't you see what's happening?"  
"No,"

> You say "I need B L O O D"  
"I need blood too!" a voice cries.  
You turn around, to see a girl with long black hair. She looks about your age.  
"You're new, aren't you?" the girl asks.

> You say "WHY ARE THERE STRANGERS IN MY HOUSE!?"  
"Anthony, you need to calm down," the man says. "Now, let's get some blood from you."  
"I haven't done anything!" you protest.  
"Settle down," the man says.

> You pull out a Koolaid Battle axe.  
You pull out a Koolaid Battle axe and swing it at the suited man. He dodges it, pulling a silver pistol form his side.  
"Got a shooter," he says.

He shoots you in the left arm, and you scream in pain, holding it against your chest.  
"Come on," he says.

> You say "NOOOOOOO MY BLOOD"  
He puts the gun to your head.  
"Don't make me do this," he says.  
You drop the axe, and the man grabs you by the shirt, dragging you into the living room.

> You say "LET GO OF ME JARED!!!!!"  
"What did you say to me earl?" he asks.  
"Let go of me, you prick!"  
"That's it? Alright, ugh. You're really pushing my patience today."

The man releases you, and you grab a katana from the wall. You raise it over your head, and swing at his head. He dodges it, and kicks you in the stomach.

> You say "I'M GONNA CUT YOU OPEN AND OBSORD ALL OF YOUR RED STUFF!!!!"  
He punches you in the face, knocking you to the floor.  
"Stop lying around and do something," he says.  
You get back up, and dodge his punch.

> You stab Jared.  
You stab him. He falls to the floor, and draws a revolver.  
"Whoa there, hold on," he says. "I can get you some of that light..."

> You cast a ward spell.  
You draw out your silver dagger, and stab him in the stomach. He grunts in pain, and you quickly plunge the knife into his chest, causing him to drop his gun.

> You say "NOW I'M GONNA FEAST UPON YOUR BLOOD!!!!!"  
You bite into him, and begin to drain him of his blood. It's delicious. Too delicious. You want more. You keep drinking, as his blood runs out.

> You say "OH YEAH!!!!!!!!"  
You begin drink his blood, laughing all the while. Finally you stop, and look around.  
"What the hell are you?"  
You find yourself staring at a teenage boy, barely out of diapers.

> You say "I AM THE KOOLAID MAN. OH YEAH!!!!!!!"  
"What?" asks the boy.  
"I'm the koolaid man"  
"What's a koolaid man?"  
You stare at him in shock, and horror.

> You blast him open.  
You blast him in the face, blinding him. He screams, as blood and koolaid run out of his nose and eyes.  
"AAH!!!!!"  
He falls to the floor, screaming in agony.

> You sacrifice him to the blood god.  
You drop to your knees, and begin chanting in some long-forgotten language. Then, you grab his bleeding, broken neck with both hands, and squeeze. His flesh begins to tear, as you laugh gleefully.

"Hahaha! Blood for the blood god! Ha ha ha ha!"  
You smash his head open against the floor, the sound of his skull cracking echoing throughout your castle.

The blood god  
has been pleased, and you feel a wave of energy course through you.

> You summon Majora's Moon.  
A portal opens up in the sky, and from it rises a red moon, nearly as big as the one from Earth, into which you fall. You hit the surface of the moon at a high speed.

It crashes into earth  
in a giant splash. The moon is quite the shock to those on the planet, who find you standing there. Soon, the whole world knows of you and your exploits.

> You say "OH YEAH!!!!!!!!!"  
You laugh, and laugh, and laugh some more. The world has become your personal playground, thanks to finding the blood moon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH YEAH!!!!!


	7. Jim Carrey and the Talons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim Carrey, leader of the Talons must put a stop to Velzix before he...does something?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This time around I just booted up one of the menu prompts and let the AI generate the entire story. The results did not disappoint.

You are Jim Carrey, a detective living in Chicago. You have a pistol and a police badge. You enter the forest where you believe the criminal you're searching for fled to. Suddenly you are shocked by a wolf attack. You are determined to survive and show the wolf that you aren't prey.  
You begin to run to the nearest target, and fire at the wolves. You find it's quite easy to shoot them all without hitting yourself. Once you've shot a few, some of the wolves begin to retreat. You think to yourself that you're about to leave when suddenly...  
You wake up. The nightmare is over.  
It's been three years since the Incident. You're still trying to get used to your new life. You got a job working as a guard at the local university. It needs doing, and you're slowly getting over your fear of the public, so it's a good fit.  
You still have the gun and badge, but you no longer hunt werewolves. You're not even sure if they're still a danger. The last time you were in the forest, you only managed to wound one before it got away. You've never smelled another, either.  
The fact that you had a terrifying wolf-dream doesn't mean you're ready to go hunting those bastards again. You're done with that life. But you do need to get your mind off it, so you decide to go see a movie.  
You walk to the local cinema, and browse to see what's playing. The latest "Transformers" is out, but you decide to skip that in favor of something a little less..."grown-up." You choose a movie called "The Final Project," with Alice Braga. It's about a team of students who participate in creating an artificial human. The reviews are good, and it's a feel-good movie. Perfect.  
You buy a ticket, and get in line. While you wait, you decide to call Marlon.  
"Hello?"  
"Hey Marlon, it's me. I'm ready to go."  
"Alright man, just give me a sec to get outside, I'm parking the car."  
"Alright, see you in a few.  
You get in a few minutes later, as Marlon pulls up next to you in a gold sedan.  
"How's the car?" you ask.  
"It's gold," Marlon says, confused.  
"No, I meant how's the engine? Got any weapons?"  
"Just the engine has any weapons. No my car doesn't have any weapons."  
"Yeah, yeah, just needed to be sure."  
You get into the passenger seat, and Marlon drives off.  
Marlon drives you both to a local theater. Neither of you talk much on the way there. You just sit in comfortable silence, until you arrive at the theater.  
The two of you get out of the vehicle, and walk inside. The movie theater is old, and has a lot of cracks in the tile floor. The ticket booth is far from what you'd call " Updated ." All in all, not the best place to take a girl out for a " date ."  
Although, you have no interest in taking Marlon's sister out.  
"Hey Marlon, you want something to drink?"  
"No, I'm good."  
As you walk deeper into the theater, you see the auditorium has been converted into a V.I.P room, with a bar and small tables on the side. You see a man standing behind the bar, with an equally old cocktail waitress serving drinks to the guests.  
As you approach the man looks at you, and smiles.  
"Ah, the hero of Velzix! Are you here to celebrate my victory over the vile undead that I hired you to hunt? I believe in all the right places it has been made clear that I do not credit your victory to a curse of the undead, but rather to the gods' light."  
"You're welcome," you respond.  
"Ah, of course. But I believe your fame goes much further than my little city does. What's a hero of yours doing in these dark times? The mundane and the monstrous always travel in pairs. The world is darkening as the shadows grow longer."  
"I'm not a hero anymore."  
The man tilts his head, a frown inching onto his face.  
"Surely you must be wrong. An hero you are. If you are not, then I will have to set the record straight. I will get my sister, the cocktail waitress, to take pictures with you. She will see that you are not a monster. Then, once she has posed with you, I will make sure the world knows your greatness. I will require your assistance."  
"What?"  
"I want you to get in contact with your old team. The one you worked with in Velzix's realm. I want you to get in contact with them and convince them to come here. It would be an honor to have such warriors under my command."  
"No, I couldn't...I've got my own life now," you say, trying to back out of the conversation.  
"I understand you have a place and a life here and all, but your life is not set. It is not static. It can become more."  
The man gestures to the cocktail waitress behind him. He pours himself a small drink, then gestures to you again.  
"For the hero of Velzix's realm. You have a higher purpose. I can see that."  
You look at Marlon, who shrugs. What can you do? You have to refuse the offer at least three times, or you're lying.  
"Very well," you sigh. "I'll do it."  
"You will?" the man asks, surprised.  
"Sure. Saves me from having to go looking for old contacts, and I won't have to walk around looking like a raving loner."  
The man smiles.  
"I knew I made the right choice. Thank you, thank you!"  
He walks over to you, and extends his hand. You shake it, not knowing what to expect. He pats you on the shoulder a couple times, finally smiling.  
"I'll be expecting that drink on me when you get back."  
You nod, and with that, you head back out to the parking lot, Marlon following after you.  
"What happened in there?"  
"I met a guy who knows of some old gang I used to be in. He wants us to join, so we can get back to fighting. He also wants us to get a couple other people for him."  
"What did you tell him?"  
"That we'd get back to him when we got back to the inn."  
Marlon nods, then looks at you.  
"Do you think we should go? I mean, I don't have any memories of my old life, but I know I don't want to be doing that anymore. It's a dead end. Better to stay and move forward in a new direction. If we can find a new life, then that's where we should go."  
"You don't have any memories of your old life?" you ask.  
"No. I mean, I know I was living in the slums of Teckleville before. I have vague memories of that, but nothing since then. It's like... I don't even know how to describe it. I feel like I woke up one day and just wasn't there anymore. Like something cut off my past. I just have you and what we're doing now. I guess that's all I need, but..."  
Marlon looks at the ground.  
"What?" you ask.  
"I'm just afraid of what we'll do if we go back. What if I don't have anything else? I mean, who am I without my old gang? I'm not much now."  
You walk over to Marlon, and put a hand on his shoulder.  
"You're a good person. Maybe you don't have anything else, but I have a feeling that doesn't matter. You have as much to offer as anyone."  
Marlon smiles, a bit of the old self creeping back into his eyes.  
"I know. I guess... I guess we should go get the others then, huh?"  
"Yeah."  
You and Marlon walk back into the inn, and are stopped by a couple people.  
"There you are! We were wondering where you'd gone. What happened in there? Did you accept the quest?"  
You explain the situation to the curious people, who seem a but disappointed. After giving you some moral support, they head to the kitchen to find the inn's head cook. You and Marlon make your way back upstairs to plot the best course of action.  
What to do...  
Well, your original quest isn't technically over. You could go back to kill Velzix, which would definitely make people see you in a better light. You could also say the hell with people's perceptions and just leave.  
There's also the matter of the gang you met with. They probably aren't done with you yet, so you might as well stick around. They're obviously having problems of their own, so maybe you can help. Then again, how are you supposed to fix something you don't understand?  
You could just stay here and enjoy yourself, whatever the hell Marlon is doing with this inn. It's a nice place, and better than being in that coffin, that's for sure...  
You've got it bad for the manager.  
Sure, you could go back to try to figure out what to do. You could go back to kill Velzix, or at least do that first. You'd have to talk with the gang again, just to make sure they're still into it, and you could probably check back with some of your old contacts to see if anyone knows anything about your old life.  
Of course, you could just go with your first idea. Go back and take out Velzix. It's scary as hell, but who knows what could happen. You might be successful, you might not. You might piss off the vampire clans, you might piss off Velzix, you might piss off the Gods, who knows what the hell could happen. But all that stuff you were afraid of is happening, so if you're going to take that chance, you might as well try to turn everything around.  
Of course, there's a pretty good chance it won't work.  
You decide to go with your gut. You were meant for this shit, after all.  
You go back to the Bloody Talons.  
When you arrive, you find that you were right. They don't want anything to do with you. You try to speak with some of them, but they spit in your face and tell you to go away. Just as well, since you don't have your staff anymore.  
You do, however, try to speak with some of them. You find that they're more aware of you than they let on. You're definitely not as forgettable as you like to think.  
"So, you all don't like me because he said I was going to take over the Talons."  
"Him? Nah. We just didn't trust him right away, that's all. He proved himself today, so we'll let bygones be bygones and join up with him."  
"Join up with him? Or just him?"  
"Whole damn gang, dipshit."  
Well, that answers that.  
As you get closer to Velzix's tower, you get a bad feeling. Not just your usual intuition that something bad is going to happen, but a strong feeling that something bad IS going to happen.  
When you arrive in the frontyard of Velzix's tower, you find that he knows you're coming. How he knows, you have no idea, unless he's got spies in your head as well, which you can't imagine.  
"So, mortal. You come to try to take back what is rightfully mine?"  
"Hm. I was actually coming here to see if there was anyway to work this out. There's a lot at stake here. Too much."  
Velzix laughs, a cold, chilling sound.  
"Work this out? My dear mortal, you will not come to an agreement with Velzix. You are too close to your last dying breaths. Know that it will be the last thing you ever feel."  
Velzix advances towards you, and you just stare at him, waiting to die.  
"I'm going to enjoy watching you squirm. The hell between us, we had? Gone. You and I no longer have a difference of opinion."  
Velzix stands over you, and you know there's nothing you can do.  
Then, a red beam of light hits Velzix in the chest.  
"Fuck!" he shouts, as his body begins to morph and change.  
"Who the fuck are you?" he asks, but it's more of a roar.  
"You could say I'm a good Samaritan." You reply.  
Velzix roars, and then charges at you. You roll out of the way, just in time, but only to have him smash into your house. You hear a crashing sound, and the tower shakes a bit.  
"I'm going... to kill you! Your blood... will be on... your hands!" he snarls.  
Velzix is so pissed at you right now, that he doesn't even see Mikey sneak up to attack him from behind with his dagger.  
Suddenly, Velzix stops his snarling and swinging his arms.  
"Wait... it's gone." He says to himself.  
Velzix turns around, and Mikey puts his dagger into his chest, killing him.  
"That was so damn easy." Mikey says.  
Velzix lies on the ground, dying. He opens his mouth, and his body begins to smoke.  
"Fuck." He gasps.  
Then, his body fully disappears, leaving behind only a pile of bones.  
"C'mon, we need to tell everyone." You say.  
You, Mikey, and the rest of the Talons return to the Dawn, where you tell everyone that Velzix was killed. There is celebration all throughout the bar, especially from your mother, who was " friends" with him. You're sure she'll soon move to Holgard. You don't care though, as you're just happy you got rid of him once and for all.  
The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This may be the greatest Jim Carrey movie yet.


	8. Every copy of Mario 64 is personalized

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mario x the movie Inception kinda.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scenario by Makavo.

You are Mario, an Italian plumber who lives in the Mushroom Kingdom with your brother, Luigi. You wake up one day and decide to grab a nice cold glass of milk from the fridge.

> You get milk.  
You run into the kitchen and grab a glass of milk from the fridge. The fridge, being electric, whirs to life and creates the milk for you from cow milk.  
Suddenly, you hear something coming from your pantry.  
"Hello?" you say, walking over to the door.  
Luigi appears on the other side of it. "Why hello there, brother of mine!"

> You say "Luigi... Is that a...poptart you're eating?"  
"P-poptart?" Luigi says. He appears to be incredibly confused by this, staring down at it now.

> You pull out a gun.  
You pull out a gun and point it at your brother. He is shocked and terrified as he stares up at you with tears in his eyes.  
"D-don't shoot, bro-"

> You say "I TOLD YOU NOT TO EAT MY FUCKING POPTARTS!!!!!!"  
Luigi cries as you pull the trigger, blowing out his chest. He looks at you with terror and pain, before slumping over. You step back, staring down at him in confusion.

> You gain 30 EXP.  
You stare around your house, realizing you've gained a small amount of EXP. Your brother's corpse is now lying on the floor.  
Tomorrow is Saturday, and you know you have a date with Wendy in the morning.

> You go to sleep.  
You walk up to your bed in your bedroom.

> You wake up.  
You walk into your bathroom, staring at your reflection.  
You look tired, and you realize you don't have your contacts in.  
Suddenly, the doorbell rings.

> You answer the door.  
Standing in front of your house is Wario, cackling evilly.  
"Hello, Mario!" he says.  
"W-wario?" you reply, stepping back.  
Wario holds up a video game console, which causes him to smile.  
"Excellent," he says, knocking on the door. "I have something for you."

> You say "An...N64?"  
Wario nods eagerly.  
"Yes! It's one of the few things my hoard didn't carry off when they raided my castle. I know you love to play video games, so I thought you might enjoy it."

> You say "Uh...thanks?"  
"It's not much, but at least it's something."  
Wario shrugs, smiling.  
"You sure are quiet today," Wario says. "Anything wrong?"  
"No.”  
Wario shrugs, smiling.  
"Alright then," he says. "I'll leave you to it."  
Wario nods, turning and walking off.

> You hook up the N64.  
You walk into your dining room and turn on your old N64, eager to play.  
As soon as the system powers on, the N64's screen lights up, and a menu appears.

> You play Mario 64.  
You choose to play Mario 64, and you're instantly dropped in a jungle. You don't know where you are, but you're surrounded by familiar terrain. You've been here before, but a long time ago. You don't remember exactly, but you can't be more than three or four years old when you came here last time.  
You have some vague memory of your father taking you to a museum when you were very young, and this being one of the exhibits. You remember staring in awe at the screen as this jungle adventure unfolded before your eyes.  
Now, however, you're actually inside the game.

> You find a weapon.  
You walk around, trying to find a weapon to fight back with. You find a Bob-omb, a small explosive that can probably take out most enemies with one hit.

> You take Bob-omb.  
You pick up the Bob-omb and bring it into your hands, staring at it.  
It's lighter than you expected, which allows you to easily pick it up.  
You run forward, dropping to your knees. You toss the Bob-omb forward, and it explodes with a small but deafening noise.  
You wince as the noise reverberates through your eardrums, and you cover them with your hands.  
When you stop shaking your head, you see that the Bob-omb was only effective in stopping the pig-like creature.  
You see another one of these creatures scamper past the tree you're hiding behind.

> You hide from them.  
You crawl backward on your hands and knees, slowly making your way around the tree until you're in a perfect defensive position.  
The pigs have no idea you're here. This will allow you to strike at will.

> You pounce.  
You stand up and quickly run at the pigs, jumping off the tree and onto one of the pigs.  
You wrap your legs around the pig's body, holding it in a full-nelson.

> You snap it's neck.  
The pig squeals pitifully, it's head falling limp.  
You toss the pig over your shoulder and look around. There's three pigs left.

> You snap their necks.  
You snap the necks of the two remaining pigs.  
"Ah, fresh human flesh," a dark voice says from behind you.  
You quickly turn to defend yourself, but see nothing.  
"Show me your face," you say.  
"Afraid I can't," the voice says, "if I wanted to kill you, you'd be dead already. Turn around."

> You turn around.  
You turn around to find yourself staring at a tall, pale man wearing a black suit and a black tie. He has fair skin and short, black hair. His eyes are hidden by a pair of black, oval sunglasses.  
He raises an eyebrow, leaning against the doorway.  
"It's been a while," he says.

> You say "Who are you?"  
The man laughs, a cruel sound that causes chills to run down your spine.  
"My name is Mr. Scars. Now, let's see... Ah, yes, you were about to ask me who I am."  
Mr. Scars smiles, his eyes lighting up with wickedness.  
"I'm the man who killed your friends, burned your house down, and sent your boyfriend to a brutal death. I'm the man who took everything away from you, and gave you this scar."

> You touch your scar.  
He smiles, leaning forward.  
"Yes, I gave you that scar," he says, "and I can take it away."  
With that, he disappears from the doorway. You hear a creaking of the floorboards, as if someone's walking towards you.  
You stand up, readying your Bob-omb. You wait patiently for the figure to appear.  
You hear the sound of a match striking, and suddenly, a fireball flies straight for you.

> You dodge it.  
You roll to the side, and the fireball easily passes you by. It smolders itself through the floorboards and out of your hiding spot, where it sets the nearby wall ablaze.  
You see the man appear through the smoke and flames, grinning at you.  
"I knew it was too easy," he says, "you have a lot to learn, little one."  
He disappears again, and you hear the sound of his footsteps walking off.

> You wake up.  
You open your eyes to find yourself laying in a bed, covered by a thick, light blanket. You're in a house now, you note, not a house now, not a shack now, but a damn house.

> You get up.  
Slowly, you hop off the bed. You're still wearing your clothes. Shaking your head, you find your phone and hit up your mom's number.

> You call your mom.  
Your phone starts to ring.  
"Hello?"  
"Hey, mom," you say, "how are you?"  
"I'm good, honey," she says, "and yourself?

> You say "Just had a hellish nightmare where a guy gave me a scar. I'm doing great."  
"Oh, really?" she asks, "what does it feel like?"

> You say "P A I N"  
"Oh, my god," she says, "that's horrible! Did he hurt you?

> You say "Yes"  
"That's horrible! I'm coming to get you right now. Don't do anything stupid, okay?"  
"Bye, mom."  
You hang up the phone, shaking your head.  
Mr. Scars appears again, standing in the doorway.  
"Well, well," he says, "you got a call. Weird."

> You say "God dammit Mr. Scars! You killed my father!"  
Mr. Scars raises an eyebrow.  
"Is that so?" he asks, "hmmm...I guess I did. I'm sorry.

> You pull out your Bob-omb.  
You pull out your Bob-omb and aim it directly at Mr. Scars. He flinches, grabbing for his eyes as soon as he can.  
You pull the trigger, and the explosion takes off his arms. Screaming in agony, he grabs at his face again and once more, slumping against the wall.  
"I need to stop doing that."

> You pull out a dirty hairy revolver.  
You pull out the revolver, keeping it pointed at Mr. Scars. He shrieks like a bird, flailing around like one.

> You shoot.  
You fire the revolver, as Mr. Scars falls to the ground. He lets out a very loud scream that hurts your ears, and that's when you realize you forgot your earplugs at home.  
"Well, someone's good and mad," Mr. Scars says, wheezing, "you really shot me, didn't you?"  
You stare at him in silence, before realizing what you just did.

> You say "How the fuck are you still alive?"  
Mr. Scars laughs, coughing up blood and making horrible gurgling sounds.  
"I'm the goddamn boogeyman," he says, "tell me, did you have a nice nap?"  
You think for a second.  
"Yes. Fuck you."  
Mr. Scars laughs again, before stopping to catch his breath.  
"Well, well, well, someone's direct," he says, "I should be out of this soon, though I don't know how your story ends. You're a pretty interesting little monster. Hope you feel better, and drive safe. You're in for a big semester. You're going to be on every student's mind, and they'll all be pissed at you. Good luck. This is true story, by the way. I didn't make it up."  
He winces at his own joke, before continuing.  
"I'll see you around, kids. Take care of yourself.

> You shoot him in the head.  
You hold the trigger down, as Mr. Scars' head explodes. You cough, blood dissipating in the air.  
"Well, shit."  
Mr. Scars laughs, before his head goes back and forth, like a metronome.  
"That was a joke," he says, "so you suck at jokes. Happy?"  
"No."  
Mr. Scars laughs.  
"Good," he says, "I'm fucking sick of jokes. You should be too."  
He grabs the back of his head, before screaming.  
Mr. Scars regenerates his head, before smiling at you.

> You say "I'm so fucking confused."  
Mr. Scars shrugs, and fades into the background.  
You have no idea what the hell just happened.

> You wake up.  
You wake up in your bed, sweating.  
"That was weird..."  
You get up and look around. Your house is empty, as always.

> You get a glass of milk.  
You open the fridge and grab a glass of milk, guzzling it down.  
"Ah, much better."  
You go to your room and sit on your chair, turning on your Nintendo DS.

> You play Mario 64 DS.  
As soon as you turn on the DS, the screen turns on, showing you a 3D version of the original Mario 64. You're shocked to find that this has been replicated perfectly.

> You become Yoshi.  
"Yoshi!"  
You turn on the DS, and you're transformed into a cute little green dinosaur. Your name, you notice, has transformed to "Yoshi" in big, green letters.  
"Ah, this feels good!" you think.  
You begin to gallop throughout the pyramid, as enemies quickly appear. They look funny, huge and pixely.

> You shoot them with your machine gun nipples.  
You use your machine gun nipples to shoot at enemies, although the range is really fucking short. You need to be right up close for that to work.

> You ride off into the sunset.  
You begin to ride your egg off into the sunset.  
"Yeah! Time to fuck shit up!"  
You reach the end of the pyramid, where the entrance to castle waits.

> You wake up.  
You wake up from your nightmare, covered in sweat.  
"Fuck, I had a bad dream again."  
You lie in your bed for a few minutes as your heart beats at a million miles an hour.

> You destroy your N64.  
You flick on your N64, and begin destroying it with a sledgehammer.  
"This needs to fucking die!"  
You smash the console over and over again, shattering the screen into a thousand pieces.

> You say "Every single copy of Super Mario 64 is personalized. Nintendo's experimental AI adapts and subtly creates a slightly altered version of the game tailored specifically for you, appealing to you subconsciously in ways you don't even notice, as well as attempting to mess with you and study how you react to it. Have you ever played someone else's copy of Mario 64? Have you ever felt like something was just a little bit off? That's why. That's how. This is much more than just simple experimentation with procedural generation, however. There are many layers to this, and some of them are more sinister and malicious than others. Super Mario 64 is, at its core, an insidious and evil work of human creation."  
Wario appears in front of you, his eyes completely white with rage.  
"My master's experiments have created a slave! I have set him free!" he snarls.

> You kill wario with the sledgehammer.  
The sledgehammer smashes into Wario, killing him instantly.

> You gain 10000 EXP.  
You gain 10000 Experience.  
"Ha ha! Take that, system!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the best creepypasta.


	9. Peppe’s Bizarre Adventure: Episode 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jerry returns.

You are Peppe. Your job is that of an average Pizza Boi , working in Pakistan. After a certain life changing event, that you don't like talking about, you realise that you've awoken a "spirit-like" entity known as a stand. You are accompanied by your only friend and ally, Scumfred who's stand's name is Gunguy. Your own stand's name is Pizzatime, and it's ability involves time manipulation and making you, well, taller.Your life is a boring one, that's for sure.  
Gordon Ramsay is coming to inspect you pizzeria. You better get prepared.

> You say "SCUMFRED!!!!"  
"Eh?" Scumfred asks, waking up.  
"Ramsay's coming for an inspection!" you say. "We need to get prepared!"  
"What?"

> You say "I SAID PREPARE DUMBASS"  
"Huh?"  
"I said, prepare!" you shout, grabbing him.  
"But I'm already prepared," Scumfred says, pulling out a large knife.  
"Do you have any toppings?" you ask. "Because if you don't, I'm going to need some time to chop up vegetables and stuff."  
"I got... Pepperoni and Sausage!

> You say "Alright, make some fucking pizza."  
"Come on, I'm going to make the pizza," you say.  
"I'm not fucking touching those meat things," Scumfred says, holding his hands up. "You do it."  
"Fine,"

> You make pizza.  
You start making the pizza dough. Scumfred shrugs and starts preparing the toppings. "Alright, pizza's done," you say. "Let's slice it."  
You sit down to eat. And eat.

> You make more pizza.  
"I'm fucking hungry," Scumfred says, licking his lips.  
"Well, I guess it's done cooking. Where's the pizza?"  
"Over there," Scumfred says, not looking up from the game he's playing.  
You grab a slice of pizza with your hands and bring it to your mouth.  
"Hey, what are you doing with your fingers?"  
"I'm eating with my hands," you say, as if it's the most natural thing in the world. "Do you like yours cooked or raw?"  
"Cooked," Scumfred says.  
Gordon Ramsay busts through the door into your establishment. He is wearing a red 'M' on his shirt.  
"What the fuck are you idiots doing?" he asks. "The place looks like a fucking pigsty!"  
"I'm sorry sir," you say. "We were just having some fun."  
"Yeah, well you'd better stop your damned nonsense right now," he says.

> You say "Thank you for coming sir Gordon. May I ask what your stand is?"  
"It's my job to ensure that all food is safe and clean to eat," he says. "That's why I have to inspect the pizza making area."

> You say "Don't worry, my pizza making skills are perfectly clean. :)"  
"Oh, a smart ass," Gordon says.

> You say "WHO YOU CALLING A SMART ASS!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!??!?"  
Nothing happens.  
"Oh, please sir," you say. "I am a respectful pizza chef!"  
"Well let me see if I have this right," he says, grabbing your collar.

> You summon your stand.  
Your stand manifests as a glowing, muscular, young man with a goatee standing against a black background.

> You summon your pizza oven.  
The pizza oven manifests as a large, glowing red furnace with flames shooting out of the sides.  
"How did you do that?" the man says, awed.

> You say "Haha... Well Chef, I have a special stand that allows me to freeze time by turning the temperature down on this oven. It also allows me to capture people..."  
The man goes into a fighting stance, as you pull out your water gun and aim it at him.  
"I can do the same thing."  
Gordon summons his stand, and it manifests as a beautiful... deer? However, as he gets ready to attack, you turn down the temperature of the oven, and he's engulfed in the flames.  
"Arrrr!" he screams.

> You freeze time.  
You stop time, and immediately turn to face your foes.  
Rounds of bullets fly through the air, and a volley of punches is unleashed.  
But, Gordon is resistant to time freeze, and fights back, kicking you in the chest and sending you to your knee.  
He runs forward, and slashes out with his blade, cutting open your stomach.

> You regenerate wound with the power of pizza.  
You use your powers to regenerate your wound, and you stand back up.  
Gordon runs forward, and slashes his blade at you.

> You dodge.  
You move to the side, and his blade catches you in the shoulder.  
"Ah!" you growl.  
With great effort, you push him back, and pull out your pistol.

> You say "Impressive... I have never met one who has the ability to ignore my time manipulation."  
The man stares at you, and grins.  
"I learned a long time ago not to try and fight the future."  
He throws his hands up in the air.

> You say "So you're clearly not the real Gordon Ramsay. The real Gordon doesn't have a stand."  
"The real Gordon is probably very disappointed with me right now."  
"You clearly are not him."  
"Probably for the best."

> You shove the fake in your pizza oven.  
With the fake in your oven, you send a jet of flames out at it, and the flames engulf it.  
"Ah!" the man yells.  
You caught fake Gordon Ramsay!  
Now to decide what to do with him...  
Suddenly the oven explodes, sending you flying back into the wall. You slump to the floor.  
"What?" you ask, as you slowly get up.  
The other man stands there, holding a dead bird in his hand.  
You immediately recognize him. He's JERRY! The guy you fought in episode 1!  
He grins at you, pulling the bird's head off and throwing it on the ground in front of you.  
"Eat, pizza rat!" he laughs.

> You say "God dammit Jerry. I thought I killed you!"  
"You missed brother," he says, winking.  
"Lemme guess, you got my bird?"  
"I got your bitch!" he laughs.  
You shake your head, pulling out your knife.

> You throw the knife at Jerry.  
Your knife flies straight through the air, and Jerry catches it with his hand.  
"What's the point?" he asks, winking.  
You sigh, pulling out your revolver.

> You freeze time.  
You stop time, and you watch as Jerry quickly gets into a fightingpose. He grabs the knife from out of the air and brings it up to strike.

> You freeze time within time.  
You quickly freeze time again, and watch as Jerry's arm is held in the air. He drops the knife and it hits the floor.  
You are about to finish him off when you notice that he seems to be... Dancing?  
He starts to hum, and then starts to sing. You watch as his moves to the music, as if he was dancing with someone...  
The weird thing is, he suddenly looks at you. Then he drops to the floor and begins to dance. You didn't even saw that coming! What should you do?  
Suddenly, you feel the urge to dance with him. The urge is so strong that you almost give in...  
But then again, why should you have to dance? You don't know these people, and you aren't on anything. You can easily decline his offer.  
You quickly dance a little jig. Maybe it's that, or the fact that you're just naturally good at it.  
He puts a gun to your head.  
"Who's the rat now?" he asks.

> You say "Dammit! Why can't I activate my stand!"  
"You can, it's just really fucking hard. But you can get there," he says, dropping the gun and grabbing your hands.  
He runs to the music, pulling you at the same time. You try to pull away, but it's no use. The beat pulls you in, and soon you're dancing with the rage of the music.

> You say "WHY CANT I STOP DANCING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
"Just push the pain away, deep down. Don't let the music take it out on you."  
You make your mind a blanket over the pain and continue dancing.  
You begin to hear a new beat. You look around: The room is empty.  
The new beat begins, and you dance.  
You dance.  
You dance.  
You dance.  
You dance.

> You say "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"  
"Yeah, don't stop! It feels so good!"  
"It's not pain. It's pleasure!"  
You continue dancing in the empty room with your eyes closed, listening to the music.

> You collapse.  
You collapse onto the floor. You're out of breath.  
You look up at the ceiling, as if the answer is written there.  
Jerry stands over you, pointing a gun at your head.  
"I can make your dreams come true," he sings proudly. "I can make your dreams come true."

> You say "Well, you know the rules...and so do I..."  
"What do you see when you look into my eyes?" he sings, eyes boring into yours.  
You look away, broken from his gaze.  
"What do you see when you look into my eyes?

> You say "SAY GOODBYE!"  
"Say goodbye!" the crowd joins in, waving their hands in the air.  
You wave at them, smiling.  
"What do you see when you look into my eyes?"  
The music stops.

> You flurry rush Jerry.  
You quickly flurry rush Jerry, but he easily manages to dodge your tackle.  
You go flying, and the ground is close. You could easily crawl under someone and get the hell out.

> You pull out your pepperoni pipe rifle.  
You pull out your pepperoni pipe rifle and point it at jerry.  
He pauses, looking at the gun you pointed at him. Then, he bursts into laughter. He holds up his hands.

> You shoot him.  
You shoot at him. The bullet whizzes by his head.  
"I thought you said this thing was powerful?" he says, pulling out the bullet and showing it to you.

> You say "Fuck! I forgot he can deflect projectiles!"  
You try to think of another plan.

> You pull out a pizza warhammer.  
You pull out your pizza warhammer, and prepare to charge.  
"So, this is how it ends," you think as you charge at him.  
The crowd roars, as you swing your pizza weapon.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
You can't see! The lights are too bright!

> You put on the pizza shades.  
You pull them down over your eyes and pull out a slice of pizza, taking a bite as you approach Jerry.  
He turns around, as if sensing your presence.

> You karate chop him.  
You swing the pizza, but Jerry uses his powers to stop it in its tracks. You feel the force of the pizza vanish into nothingness as your fist meets air.  
You can't see! Where's the pizza?!  
You are hit with a wave of nausea. You squatting sensation hits your stomach, as if a large, heavy weight is sitting on it. You groan in pain, and collapse onto one knee.  
NO!  
The crowd roars.  
You hear the chant beginning.  
"Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"  
"What?" he says in annoyance, as you're already too weak to stand up to him.  
"You may have won this battle, but the war is still ours!" you say.  
The crowd roars.  
"HAHAHAHAHA! Okay then Peppe. I shall spare your life this time, but next time I will become one with the pizza gods before you!" Jerry says.  
You hold your hand out, and accept his terms.  
"Fine," you say. "You're through."  
"Alright then," he says. "Next time."  
He teleports away, and you collapse onto the ground, vomiting.  
After you stop vomiting, you slowly get up. You hear the crowd dispersing, and go to find your friends.

> You find Scumfred.  
You go over to where Scumfred is sitting.  
"Scum?" you ask.  
He looks at you, a look of annoyance on his face.  
"What?" he asks.

> You say "Why the hell did you not help me in that battle?!"  
He frowns, and stands up.  
"Because I didn't feel like it," he says.  
You frown in return, showing your annoyance.

> You bitch slap him.  
You grab your victim by the wrist, and slap him hard across the face. He falls to the ground, clutching his cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recently watched the first episode of Jojo’s. Am I cool now?


	10. Hatsune Miku fucking kills everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Miku kills the kangaroos then becomes Dragonborn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scenario by ExoBot343.

You are Hatsune Miku, an anime girl from Japan, more commonly known as Miku. One day, you realize that kangaroos are fucking wank and decide to load up the guns and invade Australia in order to commit wallaby genocide. You drive from Japan to Australia on your longboard with your partners in crime Shaggy Rogers and Koolaid man and manage to slip past the police. It's extra difficult since everything is upside down. Eventually you find the international wallaby zoo. You all step in, weapons loaded and unholstered, ready to fuck everyone up - and just generally fuck them, after - and blow up/off the kangaroos.  
Unfortunately, the kangaroos are prepared. They aren't just armed with guns, they're heavily armored assault-rookies.

> You shoot them with and anime bullet.  
You manage to kill one kangaroo with your shotgun, before they begin returning fire with their assault rifles. The three of you attempt to take cover behind the cages, but the kangaroos are better equipped.

> You use your anime ward spell.  
You attempt to use your Ward spell, but you're too weak from blood loss. The kangaroos quickly charge towards you. Unarmed, you have no chance of fending them off.

> You say "This is it boys, this is our last stand!"  
You and your two allies manage to take cover behind the kangaroos' cage, but it's in ruins. You're certain that the three of you will die here.

> You fend off against the kangaroos.  
You successfully shoot down one of the roo-mobiles with your shotgun, and take down another with a headshot. The kangaroos are clearly surprised by your skills, and take a moment to reload.

> You throw a harem grenade.  
You throw a timed smoke bomb at the kangaroos, blinding them. Quickly, you reload your shotgun and shoot the remaining one in the head to ensure their deaths.  
You have killed all of the kangaroos in sight. Unfortunately, you have also suffered very heavy losses; you, Shaggy and Koolaid are all wounded, and it's possible that you have broken a bone or two.  
The carnage is great.

> You use a stempack.  
You and your allies are all bleeding from multiple gunshots, your clothes are torn and your skin is covered in kangaroo blood. You need healing. You find a first aid kit, and begin patching up your wounds.  
Despite being in serious pain, you laugh off the pain and continue healing yourself.

> You take over Australia.  
You have won. You take control of Australia, making it a powerful nation that will never again be fucked around with by any other country.  
But then the remaining kangaroos form a rebellion, and burn down the parliament house, killing everyone inside.  
Fucking idiots. You should have left well enough alone.  
After taking some time to rebuild, you decide to invade New Zealand. That’s where the kangaroo rebellion is.

> You build anti kangaroo helicopters and bomber jets.  
You send hordes of killer robots into the sky to wipe out the kangaroos. Unfortunately, the roos have also realised how dangerous you are, and begin building their own killer robots.

> You build more killer robots.  
You build more killer robots, but the kangaroos have managed to create their own version of the deadly machines.

> You build liberty prime.  
You continue building killer robots, and eventually you create a humanoid killing machine. The kangaroos are crushed, but the fight has left you exhausted, broken and nearly blind.

> You spend 20 years meditating in the mountains.  
In your broken state, you collapse and spend the next few days meditating in the mountains to regain your strength. When you are feeling better, you begin to think about the world.

> You meditate until you discover the meaning of life.  
After days of meditation, you suddenly see the world in a new light. You soon discover the most important thing in life is to have fun.  
You laugh for joy, knowing that the pain you felt during the fight with the kangaroos was simply a small part of life.

> You go back to Japan.  
You continue laughing as you sail back to Japan, a single skiff carrying a single sail. It's a peaceful journey, and you reflect on your life.  
You now know that violence is ultimately pointless.

> You continue writing weird Japanese songs.  
You write a lot of songs about weird, obscure issues. Most are pretty bad, but you do produce a few gems.  
You return to your life in the village, and live out the next few years peacefully.  
UNTIL...  
One day, you see a flying craft land in the mountain range not far from your home. The mountain people build a large watchtower near the range as a warning to people not to go into the area.

> You go in the area.  
You walk towards the mountain, and soon you see a massive figure standing there. It's skin is as black as jet, and its eyes are pure red.  
It's Alduin from Skyrim, and he wants to kill you. He's brought hordes of dragons with him to try to finish what you started.

> You say "Haha, luckily I'm secretly a DRAGONBORN!!!!!"  
You laugh as you realise that this will make it hard for him. You pull out your blade and prepare for battle.  
He roars, and begins to breathe fire.

> You use dragonrend.  
You roar as you burst forward, slamming your blade into his side. You feel your blade dent slightly, and you yank it out. You raise it up, jamming it into his side again and again. His blood drips off the blade as you keep moving.  
He tries to stop you, but his side is badly injured and his firebreathing is getting weaker.

> You fus ro dah.  
You shout the opening lines of the language spell, which causes him to stop breathing fire. You jump back, before ramming your blade forward as he swings his arm. His head flies off and his body collapses.  
You turn to face the rest of the enemies. A dragon with two heads but only one mouth charges at you. You roar, charging it.

> You kill all of the dragons.  
You charge forward, slashing the two headed dragon's neck. You grab one of its heads, tossing it aside. It's dead after a few moments.

> You absorb their souls.  
You grab the soul of the two headed dragon, before leaping away to avoid a fireball. You charge the red dragon that's preparing another spell, tackling it and stabbing it through the heart.  
The bodies of the dead and dying litter the ground. You haven't eaten in a few days, and you know you have to consume the souls of these dragons or you'll die.

> You consume their souls.  
You consume the souls of the dead dragons, and begin feeling energised. You're filled with strength, and know you can easily defeat any foe.

> You ascend into godly hood.  
An extended period of consumption leads to a longer effect on your powers. You feel energised, and begin to feel yourself change. Your body begins to feel stronger, harder.

> You fuck the world.  
You fly out of the volcano, and begin destroying. Using your powers, you destroy buildings and wipe cities off the face of the planet. You swing your claws, shoot flames, cause earthquakes, and create hurricanes.

> You bang the world.  
You slam your fist into a building, breaking through the front wall and killing the people inside. You grab a soldier and squeeze, tossing his corpse into the air before crushing it under foot.

> You rape the world.  
You grab a little girl, forcing her to play with your toys. You take her parents, and have your men brutally murder them as a example to the rest of the people.

> You wake up.  
You wake up in a cold sweat, and realize you had a bad dream. You then realize one problem: You're not Hatsune Miku.  
You are her father, a military man. You were stationed in New York City, where you lived in a comfortable apartment and worked as a software engineer.  
You went to sleep one night, and never woke up.  
The end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bruh who even is Hatsune Miku lol


	11. die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Throwback

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY BIRTHDAY AI DUNGEON!!!!!!!
> 
> I’m a huge fan of this site, so for this chapter, I decided to use their old AI model that they recently added. The results did not disappoint.

You are Bob, a knight living in the kingdom of Larion. You have a steel longsword and a wooden shield. You are on a quest to defeat the evil dragon of Larion. You've heard he lives up at the north of the kingdom. You set on the path to defeat him and walk into a dark forest. As you enter the forest you see a huge black dragon flying overhead. He looks down upon you from his perch high above the trees.

"I am not your enemy, but I will destroy you if need be."

> You say "Ok fam"  
"OK FAM!" You shout back as loud as you can. The dragon roars and lets out a burst of flame that engulfs you completely. Your body is incinerated instantly.

> You wake up.  
You awaken with a start. You look around and see that you're still lying face down in the snow. A cold wind blows through the trees making it seem like night has fallen. You slowly get up and notice that you're wearing only a loin cloth. There's no sign of where you were or who was with you when you fell asleep.

> You meditate until you get the answer.  
You sit in silence for awhile trying to figure out what happened. It seems strange that you woke up without any memory of how you got there. You don't remember falling asleep either.

> You get up.  
You stand up and head towards the direction of the sound of screaming. You walk along the road and find several bodies laying dead on the ground. They appear to have been killed by some sort of weapon.

> You investigate.  
As you approach one of the bodies you notice that it appears to be covered in bite marks. You pick up the sword nearby and examine it closely. It's just like the description given by the woman.

> You say "wHaT WoMAn"  
You speak loudly in an attempt to make yourself heard over the noise of the wind blowing through the trees. You hear a voice call out "What are you doing?

> You say "DONT FICKING JUDGE ME ASSHOLE"  
You yell louder than ever before. This causes the man to turn around and see you. He raises his hand in an effort to calm you down, but you continue yelling at him.

> You punch him.  
You swing your fist at the man and manage to hit him hard in the jaw. His arm drops to the side and you quickly run away.

You go back home and tell your family about what happened. They aren't too happy with you, but they understand. After all, this is a story of revenge after all.

A few years pass...

You're now twenty-five and you live alone in a small village called Garlick. You spend most of your time meditating and reading books on the history of the world.

> You cook pasta with garlic.  
One day while you're sitting in meditation, you suddenly feel a strong urge to eat something. You try to resist, but eventually you give in and begin eating some pasta with garlic. It tastes delicious!

The next morning you decide to take advantage of your new found appetite and go outside to enjoy the sun.

> You t A S T E T H E S U N.  
You run into a group of bandits and begin fighting them off. Unfortunately, you lose track of time and soon you're tired from your fight with the bandits. You fall asleep right here in the middle of the street.

> You wake up.  
You wake up feeling very hungry so you grab a piece of bread and start eating it. You finish your meal and then realize that you haven't eaten anything since breakfast.

> You brexit.  
You walk over to the nearest tree and begin counting backwards from 100. You count down until you reach zero and then you stop.

You've never done this before, but it feels really good!

> You masturbate.

> You masturbate.

You lay down on the grass and close your eyes. Your mind begins to wander as you imagine all sorts of things. You can't help but think about how you could kill someone and eat their flesh.

> You k you L L.  
You open your eyes and realize that you've fallen asleep again. You look around and see nothing special. The sky is blue, the sun shines brightly, and there's a single person sleeping in the grass near you.

> You wake up.  
You slowly open your eyes and see a tall, dark haired man standing in front of you. He has long black hair and wears a simple brown robe. He looks like he belongs somewhere in the underworld.

He walks forward and sits down beside you. He asks if you want to play a game of chess or checkers.

> You say "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"  
You scream and jump back as far as you can. You don't know why, but you do it.

The man smiles and says "I'm glad to meet you."

> You bitch slap him.  
You lunge at him and slam your fists against his face. He falls backward onto the ground and you stand up and chase after him.

You run for several blocks before you finally catch up to him.

> You shoot him.  
You fire your pistol and miss completely. You then realize that you should have used more bullets.

You run back to where you were hiding and hide behind a nearby rock. You wait patiently for the man to come out of his house.

Suddenly, you hear a loud noise and a bright light fills your entire room. As you watch, the man screams and collapses backwards from his chair.

> You eat his flesh.  
You quickly rush towards the man and start tearing into his body. You tear off chunks of meat and throw them in your mouth.

It tastes horrible, but you continue eating it anyway.

> You wash it down with gravey.  
You drink some water and spit the rest out. You then head back home and tell everyone what happened. They're not surprised by your actions.

After dinner, you lie down on the sofa and fall asleep again.

> You wake up.  
You awake to find yourself lying on top of a dead body. This isn't exactly what you expected when you woke up, but it's better than being in bed.

> You fuck the body.  
You immediately get up and move the corpse over to the couch. You sit down and start rubbing your hands all over it. It doesn't take long before you feel something hard inside you.

You pull out your dick and stick it in the corpse's mouth.

> You spontaneously combust.  
Your dick explodes out of your body and hits the floor. You collapse onto the floor and vomit all over yourself.

You try to control your bodily functions, but they are uncontrollable.

> You die.  
You die.

> You wake up.  
You wake up in an empty room. You look around and notice that you're naked. You also notice that you have no memory of who you are or where you live.

What the hell...?

> You die again.  
You die again.

> You wake up.  
You wake up in an empty room. You look around and notice that you're naked. You also notice that you have no memory of who you are or where you live.  
What the hell...?

> You say "God fucking dammit"  
You yell and curse God out until you pass out from exhaustion.

> You wake up.  
You awaken in an empty room... except this time, you're naked!

> You masturbate.  
You begin to rub your cock while thinking about how much fun it would be to cum inside a girl.

> You ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).  
You rub your hands all over your body and then grab your dick. You get to work.  
You stroke it lightly as you notice a bulge in your stomach.  
Yeah, there it is.

> You rip out your throat.  
You rip your throat out and immediately go to town. You yank on the flesh as you choke on your blood. You continue to rub your hands all over yourself, and then stop.

> You die.  
Maybe you're tired or maybe you're just done. Doesn't matter, you're dead now anyway. You let the blood flow from your neck and into a nearby bucket.  
You find yourself facedown on the slab.

> You wake uo.  
You wake up and find yourself alive. Well, you're technically dead, but still alive. You're in a perfectly normal room with a large slab blocking your path.

> You eat the maclanky.  
There's no use in wasting food, so you take a bite of the sandwich. You're not sure what's in it, but it's delicious to you.  
You suddenly get really high off of the maclanky. You feel like dancing, but you can't because you're slab.  
Then, you realize there's something missing.  
"Where's the girl?" you say.  
You look all around, but don't see her.  
"She's not here."  
You suddenly remember: you lost your bet.

> You commit seppuku.  
You take out your blade and proceed to cut your way through. Blood pours from your body as you lay on your stomach.

> You wake up.  
The first thing you notice is you're not laying on a slab. You had the nightmare again, and this time you got up!  
What else do you notice?  
You had a lot of commments.

> You play AI Dungeon.  
"Oh boy," you say.

> You make an nsfw scenario.  
You were a little hesitant to make one of these, but you need money to eat and get new clothes so you decide it's worth it.  
You sit there for hours thinking about the different options for the scenario.

> You add horse porn into the scenario.  
After finishing up the scenario, you add horse porn into multiple requests. People went wild over it.  
You laugh as a large brick tosses your computer out the window.

> You say "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"  
You hear a bunch of stomping. It's coming from your room.  
"I'M FUCKING GONNA KILL YOU, YOU CUNT!" you hear your dad shout.

> You pull out your gunblade.  
You take out your gunblade and proceed to hide in the closet hoping that your dad doesn't find you.  
While you hide, you think back to when you were a kid and constantly got bullied by your dad. You really wish he wasn't here right now.  
You hear lots of stomping and then a bunch of yelling in some other language. You think your dad must be beating up your mom or something.  
For a brief moment, you wish you were back in hell. At least there you wouldn't have to put up with this shit.  
You then remember your goals from before: eat, sleep, and shit.

> You confront your dad.  
You turn off the lights in your room.  
You then walk out of the closet, fully expecting to get shot. But no, it seems your dad is too distracted.

> You lionheart your dad.  
You walk up to your dad and punch him the face as hard as you can. He falls back, dazed.  
"HOW FUCKING DARE YOU HURT ME!!" you yell.  
"Wha..."  
You punch him again, knocking him out.  
"HOW FUCKING DARE YOU HURT THE MOTHER OF YOUR TOY!!"  
You look at the unconscious shape of your dad on the floor. And then you do the thing guys like doing most--you kick him in the head as hard as you can.  
"AARGH!!"

> You shoot him.  
You pull out your shotgun and shoot your dad. After all, he's the father. You put two more shells into it, just to be sure.

> You die.  
Suddenly, the world turns black. You are dying.  
You never really liked life anyway.

> You wake up.  
You wake up from your dream. For some reason, you don't feel sleepy anymore.  
It's been a long time since you've dreamed so much.  
You notice that you are in a room with an anime girl standing above you. You think she's an angel.  
The girl smiles at you. Then, she winks. Then, she blows a kiss. Then, she goes flying out the window, screaming all the way.

> You jump out of the window as well.  
You jump out of the window too.  
You fall for a really long time, screaming all the way. To your surprise, this is really fun. You never knew something like this could be so much fun.  
You turn to look at the city far below you. You hope the girl lands somewhere good. You also hope she comes back one day.

> You die.  
You fall for a really long time, screaming all the time. In addition, you die after falling for a really long time.  
You don't know how you survived. Maybe the girl came back and caught you?

> You die anyway.  
You fall for a really long time, screaming all the time. In addition, you die after falling for a really long time.  
Later, there is silence.

> You wake up.  
Later, there is silence.  
You sit up with a start.  
"Hello?" you ask as you look around your dark room.  
You look at your phone. It reads 4:04 am.

> You explode.  
You stand up. Perhaps you should explode.  
All the anger, the frustration, the hate, the pain, the anguish, everything you have ever felt is right here, in this room.

> You die.  
You stand up. Perhaps you should explode.  
You press down on the hot metal, waiting for it to give way...  
...and you slowly begin to disappear.

> You wake up.  
You open your eyes to the sound of a door opening.  
You look up to see a dark figure holding a gun.  
You whimper, burying your head in your knees.

> You kill the cycle of life and death.  
The figure approaches you. Slowly, he raises his gun and blows out your brains, ending the cycle of life and death.  
You sleep the sleep of the damned.  
teh edn promis!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .


	12. SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scenario by Skrownerve.

You are Sabin Figaro, a mighty paladin on a quest to vanquish evil in the name of your god. You are equipped with a great hammer, a kite shield and heavy plate armor. You find yourself at the entrance to the monster girl dungeon. You have sworn an oath to destroy any and all monster girls you find. In the first chamber, you encounter a monster girl. She is half woman, half crab. Her large eyes have rolled up into the back of her head, and she wears a large necklace of abominable teeth.

> You suplex.  
You pick the creature up, and body-slam it on the ground.  
"Augh!" the monster girl yells as it is suplex'd.  
You walk over to the creature.  
Her bones make a small clacking snap as it breaks.

> You go further into the dungeon.  
You head deeper into the dungeon. You find a large chamber filled with whirling lights. In the middle of the chamber stands a large spiral staircase, going up both sides of the chamber.

> You suplex the stairs.  
You pick the stairs up, and suplex them. A long crack appears in the stairs.  
A row of monster girls looks down from a balcony.  
"Ha ha! You shall not pass!"

> You suplex balcony.  
You pick the balcony up, and suplex it.  
"Ohh... a warrior indeed... but you'll never pass!"  
The monster girls begin to attack, firing energy blasts at you.

> You suplex monster girls.  
You pick up the monsters and throw them at the stairs.  
"Monster girls on staircase! We're doomed!" Meliodas says.

> You suplex meliodas.  
"Augh! You're not supposed to be able to do that!" Meliodas says as he's suplexed.  
You walk over to the stairs.  
"Monster girls on staircase!" Elana says.

> You suplex the staircase with the monster girls on them.  
The stairs are suplexed, busting open and sending the monster girls tumbling down them.  
"Oh, this will boost morale," Elizabeth says.  
You walk down the staircase.

> You enter the next room.  
You enter the next room, and find yourself in a round room. In the middle is a large tapestry, showing a battle of some sort. Around the room are stone statues of men holding swords.

> You suplex statues.  
You pick up the statues, and throw them at the tapestry.  
"Tapestry! Statues!" a soldier shouts.  
You see the tapestry rips, as the statues destroy it.

> You enter next room.  
You enter another large room. This room is octagonal in shape, with eight archways leading into the room. In the middle of the room is a large gold statue, holding a shield and a sword.

> You suplex the entire room.  
You pick up the room, and suplex it. The statue is destroyed, the archways are destroyed, and the floor is really fucked up now.  
"Ha ha! Take that, octopus bastards!"

> You suplex the entire room.

> You suplex the entire room.  
"Augh! We're dead!" archives says as he's thrown through the air.  
You walk over to the statue, and suplex it.You have successfully fucked the room, destroying it completely. You now have to leave, as you are unable to traverse through the now ruined room.  
"Shit, that really did a number on the floor,"

> You enter the final room.  
You enter the final room, a massive treasure room. This room is spherical in shape, diameter larger than a large loading dock. In the middle of the room is a large golden chest, covered with ornate engravings.

> You enter the final room.

> You suplex chest.  
You pick up the chest, and suplex it.The ches is destroyed, and you used all your grapple moves.  
"I'm dead."  
"Well done, you have passed all the trials.

> You die.  
You die.  
You've failed.

> You go to heaven.

You go to heaven.  
You have succeeded.  
"Well done, you are a true hero of justice."  
"Yes, well done for not being a shithead and dying," God says.

> You suplex god.  
You pick up God, and suplex him.  
"Hey!" he says.  
You begin grappling him, and begin to fly around the room.  
"Augh! You will not have your precious God!"  
"Heh, good,"

> You suplex heaven.  
You pick up the room, and fly it at the wall. You imagine you can hear thunder when it makes impact.  
"I don't understand why you're so hell bent on destroying your creation,"

> You suplex earth.  
You pick up the earth, and suplex it.  
"Ah, you've finally done it," God says.

> You suplex the sun.  
You pick up the sun, and fly it at the room.  
"You've gone too far," God says.  
You continue your grapple, and pick up the moon.

> You suplex the moon.  
"You've destroyed me in my home," God says.  
You continue flying over to the next planet, Mars.  
"Stop!" God says.

> You suplex Mars.  
The room begins to collapse, as you continue to fly through it. Finally, you break past what's left of the room, and see the stars.  
"I believe you've won," God says.

> You say "ok"  
"Alright,"

> You suplex the milkyway.  
You pick up the galaxy, and fly it at the room.  
"Ah, I can feel it," God says.  
The room and everything in it disappears. You're in outer space.

> You suplex andromeda.  
You pick up the Andromedean armada, and fly it at the planet Earth. You picture the planet exploding as you bring the armada down.  
"Ah, you've won," God says.

> You suplex the cosmic bubbles.  
You pick up the Cosmic Bubbles, and throw them. They hang in the air for a while, showering the area with little golden sparks.

> You suplex yourself.  
"Huh?" you say.  
You fly into your own body, suplexing yourself for good measure.  
"Ha, what a glorious way to win," God says as he dies.  
The world stops.  
The End.

> You suplex the end.  
You pick up the End, and throw it at you. It smacks into your chest, knocking the wind out of you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX SUPLEX


	13. Trails of cold steel 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rean Schwarzenegger gets into a sticky situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scenario by myself.
> 
> You read that right, I made this one.
> 
> (I’ve only played the first game so my knowledge of the series may be a little biased)

You are Rean Schwarzenegger, a guy who is extremely hot but is never able to tell the difference between flirting and normal conversation. You also love to slap in a friendship speech at every possible moment. You also know everything but apparently don't remember anything until somebody brings it up, in which you are supposed to say the line "NoW tHAt yOu MeNTiOn iT..." You are enrolled in Thors Military Academy. You fight with a katana and have the ability to go into ultra instinct mode which turns your hair white apparently.

One day you are talking to Alisa.

"Hey Rean, how are you doing?"

"Hello Alisa. I am training with Laura."

"Uhh... Where is Laura?"

"HAHAHAHA! I don't know! I am lonely."

"Well, since we're alone... Have I ever told you about this underground organization that we're totally not gonna end up fighting later on?"

"No you have not Alisa."

"Well they're called Those Who Slither in— I MEAN THE LIBEROOTION FROONT!"

"Don't you mean the Liberation Front?"

"Nope, completely different."

"Well cool, be sure to not tell me anything about them until we encounter them for the first time so I can say ‘Now that you mention it'."

"Ok then, I'm gonna rip my shirt off now."

"I'm sorry what now?"

She starts tearing her shirt off.

"Alisa, you're really starting to worry me here. Why the hell are you ripping your shirt off?"

"Because I want you to look at my tits!"

"NO!"

> You run away.  
"Alisa, I don't want to hurt you, but if you don't stop I'm gonna..."  
You grab her by her wrists and she gets on top on you.

> You push her off.  
You push her off and she falls on her ass.  
"Ah! I don't understand you! First you touch me and now you push me! What the fuck?

> You r U N.  
You run out of the tavern. As soon as you do that, you feel several arrows fly past you. Then several bolts of lightning fly by you.

> You say "WHO ARE YOU!?!?!?!!??!??"  
The attack finally stops.  
"Well, well, well. This rather large group of people came in here demanding information and openly threatening the owner. Would you believe they said they were from the Temple of Fel? A little hippie cult. Should have known something was up when most of them stumbled into here tripping over their words."  
"Who are you?"  
"Oh, like that matters? We are the Liberootion Froont!”

> You say "NoW tHAt yOu MeNTiOn iT... YOU GUYS ARE THE PEOPLE ALISA WAS TELLING ME ABOUT EARLIER"  
"Good job, kid. I was hoping you wouldn't remember. But does it really matter? You stopped them from getting the book they were here to get and now we're done."  
"Done? What do you mean?"  
"I mean, we're not gonna bother you again."  
"You're the cult that was terrorizing the area! Don't you want to kill me and the rest of my company?"  
"Killing you seems unnecessary. You put an end to our harassment of the locals, so I don't think we'll need to worry about you."  
"What do you mean?"  
"I found out who you are, kid. You're the leader of that company."  
"And...?"  
"And I have a message for your Emperor. You've been making quite the impression on the locals here. I mean, you're the first person in centuries to come here without some ulterior motive. You're actually here for supplies and you're young, which means you aren't old, ugly, or cranky. The Emperor will be very interested to hear of a place like this surviving for long without his protection. Tell him I say he have better start sending people here, soon."  
"Thank you. Where is this book you want? I can easily get it for you."  
She grins. "Can you?

> You say "ye"  
"Well, it's not too far from here. If you like, you can join us on our trip. Then you can get the book yourself."  
"I would be honored.

> You get her book.  
"Alright, are you ready to go?"  
She jumps up and down and claps her hands. "Yeah! Once we get the stuff, we'll go."  
You look at your companions.

> You give her the book.  
"Here, take this. You can find your own way back."  
She takes the book, but her face says it's obvious you've given her the most important thing.  
"Thank you!"

> You say "You're welcome. This totally won't screw me over later in the game :)"  
"No, I don't think it will. I'll say I told you about the book in advance so if you say anything, nothing will come of it. Just don't mention where you got the book from."  
"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"  
"Alright, alright, you're free to go. Just make sure none of you comes back here again. The Emperor will decide your fate, not us. Not us, got it?"  
"Got it!

> You go to the Class VII dorms.  
You exit the sewers and head to your dorm. Thankfully, the school was fairly empty as far as students were concerned. Still, you had to keep a low profile.

> You catch Jusis and Machias making out on the floor of the dorms.  
You could only see the tops of Jusis's head and the shaggy fur of Machias's waist-length hair as they writhed on the floor in the darkness of night.

> You say "What the fuck are you two doing"  
Machias slowly lifts his head off the ground. "Machias is on top."  
"That's not how you do it."  
"Then help Machias out, you'll get more out of it that way."

> You say "no"  
"Aw, come on! You're not fun anymore. What the hell happened to you?"  
"You're creepy."  
Machias frowns and asks "What are you doing?"  
"Nothing."

> You go to your dorm.  
You enter the dorm and climb up to your bed. You open the book you found in the sewers and begin to read.

> You fall asleep.  
You wake up in the middle of the night. Something is wrong. You feel a presence in the room...

> You say "ALISA GET OUT OF MY ROOM"  
"What did you say?" A voice asks.  
"ALISA GET OUT OF MY ROOM." You repeat, standing up.  
A long snout poking out of the darkness makes a growling noise.  
Alisa pounces you, yelling "Got you!" She wrestles you to the floor, and jumps on top of you.

> You say "OH GOD IM GONNA DIE"  
"I got you," she smiles, grabbing the book.  
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?"  
Machias stands in the doorway, scratching at his long black hair.

> You say "HELP ME MACHIAS IM BEING ASSAULTED"  
Machias looks at you and shakes his head, before closing the door.  
You look at Alisa, who is still smiling. "What do you want to do with that?"

> You pull out your katana.  
Alisa looks scared for the first time during this whole ordeal. "I-I don't want to die."  
"Neither did I, but look where we are now."  
"Give me the book back."

> You say "STAY BACK DEMON"  
You hold the book out, and your crucifix out as well, a sign of last resort.  
Alisa slowly steps forward, until she is just out of reach.

> You say "STAY BACK OR I WILL UNLEASH THE POWER OF GOD UPON YOUR EXISTENCE"  
Alisa sits back, looking up to you with a mixture of fear and admiration. "You don't want to do that.

> You smite Alisa.  
You raise your crucifix, and swing at Alisa. She struggles to dodge out of the way, but you are faster.  
You hit her in the chest, and she is sent backwards.

> You say "MAY THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELL YOU"  
"You're not a Christian," she says, struggling to get up.  
"Actually, I am. Or at least, I was. I used to go to church every Sunday."  
"You believe in God, but not the church?" she asks. "Then I guess I'll be damned.

> You say "This scene has gone on long enough. I need to ship other characters."  
"Just let me go. I won't tell anyone," she says, as you slowly walk towards her.  
"Better," you reply.  
She leaves.  
You enter the hallway, holding the book tightly.  
"There you are. I've been looking for you," Laura says.

> You say "Oh hello better girl"  
"... Better girl?" she asks.  
"Uh, yeah."  
"I doubt that," she says, standing infront of you. "Anyway, I need your help.

> You say "You need me to ship you with Fie?"  
"I need you to ship me with someone I can trust to look after my interests. You don't want to piss off people who have connections do you?"  
"I guess not.

> You say "Ok I'll do it"  
"Great," she says.

> You call Fie.  
You call Fie and ask her to meet you in the library. After some muttering, she agrees.  
You browse through some of the books, looking for something good.  
"Hey, did you find a book?" Fie asks.  
"Yeah, I found one on demons," you say, grabbing it.  
"Cool, can I look at it?" she asks.

> You say "Only if you date Laura"  
"Great," she says, snatching it out of your hands.  
"Hey!" you say, grabbing it back.  
"Don't be petty," Fie replies.  
"Whatever," you reply.  
Later that day, Fie and Laura start dating. You don't really have much of a problem with it. After all, she's not that bad of a person. You end up dating Alisa.  
Alisa bangs you on a regular basis. It's good sex, and you're glad when she asks. You don't really have any steady friends though, other than Yvette.

> You die because you had sex in a baby game.  
One moment you're living, the next moment you're in a hospital bed. You don't really know how you got here, but you know you're not dead.

> You die in your sleep.  
You never wake up.  
F I N

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 100% positive this is the plot of the fifth game.


	14. Left 4 Dead 2 but it’s sad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellis tells Nick a story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scenario by ArtZ.

You are Nick and you are listening to a young mechanic from Savannah, Georgia named Ellis tell you about his adventures with Keith.

"My buddy Keith tried camping out on top of a building once. He was shooting crows, but the police were too busy tear gassing him to ask what he was doing up there. He screamed for an entire YEAR every single time he opened his eyes! Oh, man. At first it was funny, then it just got sad, but then it got funny again! Oh, man."

"I ever tell you about the time me and Keith made home made bumper car ride with riding mowers in his back yard? Mower blade wounds over ninety percent of his body. I didn't run him over, either. He somehow managed to fall under his own."

"I ever tell you about the time my buddy Keith drowned in the Tunnel of Love? You wouldn't think it would happen cause the water's so shallow, but that's how he gets you, man: Over confidence. Keith was with his lady at the time and he was yelling for her to save him but she didn't wanna get wet."

"I ever tell you about the time buddy Keith fell down an open manhole? He was unconscious down there for like a week. During that time, unbeknownst to Keith, they paved over him."

"I ever tell you about the time me and Keith snuck up paintball guns on a roller coaster? I never heard of anybody else doing it, so I thought we might have invented a sport. So Keith called the patent office but he didn't get it. So he called the roller-disco but he didn't get that either. So he called the roller-coaster but... ARGH!"

> You say "Uhh Ellis, this isn't the best time for stories."  
"Oh sorry man it's just that Keith is the type of person who gets himself into awkward situations. He gets so mad when I tell these stories, but I gotta tell 'em now before I forget!"

> You say "You can tell us stories about Keith another time, right now we're in the middle of a zombie apocalypse.”  
"Yeah, okay then. Supposin' you're at the fair and you see this little old lady fall off a ride and get run over by a tank? Now THAT is an awkward situation.

> You say "Ellis...please."  
"Oh you're right. Keith and me are always getting ourselves into trouble!" Ellis says.

> You say "Ellis, you have to focus. There is a Charger right there."  
"Oh yeah, that's right. There is a phone charger right there too, but I'm just sayin' if you have to call your mama, you should do it on a pay phone.

> You say "No, I mean, the zombie."  
"Oh, you mean Zom-be-do? Yeah that's what they're called. You know what else they're called?"  
"Uhh... Ellis, we really have to go."  
"That's what I'm calling them! ZOM-BE-DOES!"  
"ELLIS!"  
"What? You didn't know they go by another name?"  
"ELLIS THIS ISN'T A FUCKING CHATROOM DISCUSSION!" you yell, before taking a deep breath.  
The Charger rams Ellis.  
"Oh fuck!" Ellis says.  
You get out of the car and head over to Ellis, who is holding on to his left arm, blood dripping from his elbow.

> You say "ELLIS!"  
"WHAT?!" he says, wincing in pain.  
"Are you okay?"  
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a flesh wound."  
You look up and notice the zombies are slowly getting closer.

> You shoot the charger.  
You raise your gun and shoot the zombie in the head. It collapses to the ground, and the rest of the horde stops to look at the fresh-kill.  
Ellis looks up and notice the zombies are closing in.  
"SHIT!"

> You shoot the zombies near Ellis.  
You shoot the zombies in front of Ellis, but fail to hit any of the others.  
"DAMMIT, aim!" you yell, then quickly reload as the nearest zombies reach for him.

> You say "ELLIS"  
"ELLIS HANG ON TO ME!"  
You yell as the zombies grab at him, desperately trying to reach him before he can get on the car.

> You throw a pipe bomb.  
You drop to the ground, and throw a pipe bomb at the horde. It goes off, and although it doesn't do much damage, it's enough to push them back long enough for Ellis to jump on the car.

> You say "HANG IN THERE ELLIS! I'M COMING TO GET YOU!"  
You run over to the car, but see that the horde is already upon it. You look around and grab a two by four from the ground.

> You kill zombies with it.  
You kill two zombies with the 2x4, but then you drop it.  
Your arms are getting tired, and your body is getting exhausted. You need something else, and something that won't exhaust you.

> You pull out a pistol.  
You quickly grab the pistol and point it at the horde. You fire, and the gun goes off, but you miss completely.  
The zombies grab at Ellis, soon pulling him off the car and devouring him.

> You say "ELLIS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"  
You yell, as you run over to the car. You see the zombies eating Ellis, and you just can't take it. You start crying, and run away.  
You feel so helpless.

> You run.  
You cry over the dead body of your friend as you run away. The zombies won't follow you, they're too focused on eating your fallen.

> You go to a gun shop.  
You drive as far away from the city as you can, before parking your car. You then walk into what looks like a small, rural store, a gun shop.

> You take power armor.  
You walk into the store and see power armor, right next to a sign saying they don't take any returns.  
You look around at the shelves, and wonder which one to choose.  
You see a shelf with a bunch of different helmets and suits.

> You take the most recent version.  
You grab the black power armor with an armored jacket and put it on. You feel amazing, like you could run through a brick wall. That is, until the speech begins.

> You grab a minigun.  
You walk up to the minigun rack and grab the heavy weapon. You then head over to the counter and find a full box of ammo, which you quickly put in your bag.

> You grab an rpg.  
You grab an rpg from the rack and put it in your bag.  
You then look around, and you see a bunch of other weapons.  
You grab a shotgun.

> You go back to the horde.  
You walk back over to the zombies with your weapons.  
You stop in the middle of them and begin unloading on them. You shoot them in the head, in the chest, everywhere.

> You say "THIS IS FOR ELLIS GOD DAMMIT"  
You scream as you shoot, bullets ripping through the zombies like a chainsaw through flesh.  
You run out of ammo, and begin reloading when a zombie grabs your arm.

> You punch it.  
You punch the zombie in the face, breaking its nose. It begins biting into your arm and you scream. You manage to break its neck by shoving your shotgun down its throat.

> You shoot them with a shotgun.  
You put the shotgun to one's head and blast, blowing its head off. You then grab another with your free hand and do the same thing. You then grab a knife and stab it through the heart, killing it.

> You say "FUCK YOU ALL! YOU TOOK ELLIS AWAY FROM ME!"  
You continue to shoot, you blow the legs off of two, you stab the other two, you shoot the last one in the face to reveal a set of teeth marks from three others.  
The zombies begin to close in on you.  
You scream as you're slowly eaten alive.

> You shoot the ground under yourself with the rpg.  
You grab the rpg and shoot at the ground, and find the recoil almost knocking you back. You aim at the crowd of zombies, and fire.

> You say "I'm sorry...Ellis..."  
You think to yourself as the last bit of life slips away from you.  
You didn't get to say goodbye. You didn't get to move on. You didn't get to face what came next.  
The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Top 10 saddest anime deaths.


	15. The Lorax alternate ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cy ends the crisis

You are Cy, the O'Hare delivery guy in Thneedville. A kid has just destroyed the city walls in front of everyone revealing the environmental destruction outside, and presented the last living tree seed. Your boss O'Hare however objects to this.

"I say we tell that kid what we think about that seed!" O'Hare says angrily.  
The crowd murmurs for a moment, not knowing what to say.  
"People! Come on!" O'Hare says, begging for approval.  
The crowd remains silent.

Then your boss points right at you and says "You! Get out there right now and get these people on my side, OR ELSE YOU'RE FIRED!"  
He laughs to himself "Go on tell them what you think."  
What a greedy dirtbag, you think to yourself.

You sigh and gather your thoughts. Then you begin to sing to the crowd.  
"You don't know me but my name's Cy, I'm just the O'Hare delivery guy"

> You say "But it seems like trees might be worth a try  
So I say let it grow."  
The crowd goes wild, chanting your name. O'Hare begins pulling out his revolver.  
"You think you're smart huh? You're too damn dumb!"

> You say "YOU GREEDY DIRT BAG!"  
You rush forward hitting O'Hare in the crotch. He falls over. A few people cheer before going silent as they realize what is happening.

> You grab the revolver.  
Ouch! That hurt. You look down and see that the revolver is now in your hands.  
You point it at O'Hare and yell.  
"YOU GREEDY DIRT BAG!"  
People are confused again. What is going on here?  
"CY!" someone shouts.  
It's the kid that brought the seeds. He looks back at you and nods.

> You point the revolver at O'Hare and say "I must do what has to be done. We must LET IT GROW!"  
He seems to think about your plan for a moment. Then he nods as if to say "This is the best idea yet.

> You say "Any last words O'Hare?"  
"Yeah. I'm a CHEMIST, not an AGENT! This town isn't big enough for the both of us!"

> You scream, "LET IT GROW!" and pull the trigger.  
A gunshot rings out. Everyone in the bar flinches including you. But no blood. You search for a bullet hole and then you see it O'Hare's head exploding as a result of the bullet.  
Two people speak up. "My name is Dan." The man say. "and my name's Rose." The girl says. They both grab there son, who seems to glow, and say "Our son Wesley kind of glows. And that's not good so we suppose. We should let it grow."  
"Yeah," Dan says. "Let's just let it grow, alright?  
The crowd starts singing. "Let it grow  
Let it grow  
You can't reap what you don't sow  
Plant a seed inside the earth  
Just one way to know it's worth  
Let's celebrate the world's rebirth  
We say let it grow!”  
The crowd, now including you, sings.  
After a few moments, the kid with the seeds joins in. You sing louder than anyone else, but you're not sure why.  
"Let it grow  
Let it grow  
Like it did so long ago  
Maybe it's just one tiny seed  
But it's all we really need  
It's time to change the life we lead  
Time to let it grow!"  
The kid starts singing, along with the others. He has a pretty nice singing voice, you must admit.  
"Let it grow  
Let it grow  
Let the love inside ya show  
Plant a seed inside the earth  
Just one way to know it's worth  
Let's celebrate the world's rebirth"  
The crowd finishes singing and is silent. Except for the kid with the seeds, he continues to sing. You don't know why, but you join him in singing.

> You plant the seed.  
You take a deep breath, and then plant the damn seed in the ground. It's a large seed, and you worry that it won't actually go in the ground, but sink into the ground or something.  
A gunshot is heard and everybody, including you, looks up.  
Rose stands with a smoking rifle in her hands. She points it at you and smiles. The crowd goes silent.  
"Thanks for your help, kids!" she says. "You're all hired! You can go home now!"

> You say "I knew it! You were a secret agent!"  
You say "I knew it! You were a spy!"  
"You shut up!" Rose says.  
She keeps the gun pointed at you and walks over to her husband's body.  
"He did a lot for this town," she says. "Now I need to do something for him."  
She walks over to O'Hare's body, picks up the revolver and pops out the bullet.  
"Bullet's won't help you now, O'Hare," she says.  
She then slips on the bullet and drops the gun. Luckily she grabs it before it hit the ground, but dropped the bullet all the same.  
She looks at you and you nod. She slips the bullet into his mouth and puts a match to the tip of the cigarette. His mouth opens and a cloud of smoke comes out. His head rocks back and he looks up to the sky.  
"It's time," Rose says. "Time to go home."

> You say "How could you work for a man like him? I SAY LET IT GROW!"  
"I couldn't," Rose says. "But I'm lucky. I found a place that lets me be myself."  
"You're not the only one!" you say.  
"Bullshit," Rose says. "You've got everything. You got friends."  
"I do," you say. "And I also got a cute girlfriend, which is more than I can say for most people here!"  
"You think so?" Rose says. "I think I'm prettier than you."

> You say "Shit!"  
"No. You're a cute guy."  
"Ugh," Rose says. "Guys always say that."  
"Pretty sure they don't," you say.  
"Do too," Rose says.

> You say "Come on Rose, LET IT GROW!"  
Rose smiles and holds out her hand. You grab it, and she pulls you up.  
"Hey, Farmer Fucking Boy. Eat a dick."  
She shoots you in the shoulder, and she's immediately by your side. She presses the gun against your head.  
"Shit," she says.  
"Come on, Rose," somebody says. "We've got more important shit to do."  
"Yeah, fuck off, farmer," Rose says.  
You nod, and take a deep breath.

> You say "REMEMBER EVERYBODY, LET IT GROW, THAT IS MY FINAL MESSAGE!"  
"Rose!" someone yells.  
"Sssh! Sssh! For fuck's sake," Rose says.  
You nod, and take a deep breath. You do your best to remember everything. You bow your head, and start to sing.  
"Let it grow, let it grow, let it grow..." you sing.  
"Oh fuck off," Rose says.  
She shoots you in the back of the head.  
You fall to the ground. You don't have a chance. Nobody can stop Rose from doing what she wants to do.  
You die there, in the middle of the woods, and nobody can save you.  
But the crowd disarms Rose and holds her down.  
"Rose! Stop! Stop!" somebody says.  
Rose struggles against the people holding her down, but it's useless. She's helpless. It's always like this.  
The crowd beats her to within an inch of her life. They throw her in a duffle bag and drop her off at the border. She's gone forever.  
"Thank you,"  
Truffula trees grow all over the country.  
New careers are made out of making fun of her.  
In twenty years nobody remembers her name, or cares.  
They build you a statue. They put you in the park. Nobody can play your song anymore, but it's still good even without an instrumental.  
In every town, they sing along.  
Let it grow, Let it grow...  
It grows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let it grow.


	16. An epic battle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw I’m Meat the rat lord. Juggernaut is the guy I fight.

Rats," you say.  
"What?" she asks.  
"It's a saying. It means something like ‘be careful' or ‘watch out.

> The Juggernaut? puts on his battle gear.  
"Uh...what's that?" you ask.  
"I'm gonna wreck your face so hard, you'll be wearing aespiels for face lifts!" he says, grinning.  
"A what?"

> Meat, the rat lord says "It is over juggernaut, I have the high ground! "  
"What the hell? Where'd you get that from?" Primus asks.

> The Juggernaut? says "High ground doesn't matter when I have GUN!"  
"If you're talking about the big weapon on the back, it's a gun."  
"Ahhh...

> Meat, the rat lord says "DONT TRY IT!"  
"Shut up!" you say.  
"Ha, I like him," the Rat Lord grins.

> The Juggernaut? jumps up into the sky and shoots a diving bullet.  
Your bullet misses the rat.  
"What the?" he says, hovering into the air.  
The rat lord roars as he sends out a burst of Dark energy, hitting you with it.

> Meat, the rat lord uses his ultra omega mega omega mega safer rat canon.  
The bullet is absorbed into the barrel, turning it into a glowing red, ultra-powerful beam of red hot death.  
"Ha! Got you!" the Rat Lord laughs.

> The Juggernaut? says "Nuh uh! I got you!"  
You swivel the turret around, and blast it with your mini-gun, melting the gun down to a molten metal puddle.  
"Ooh! I like you!" the Rat Lord grins.

> Meat, the rat lord says "So it has come to this Juggernaut... I had trained you in the way of the rats in order to protect the weak, but it seems you have misused that power..."  
"I'm not the one who shot their gun!" you say.  
"Fair point. You are still learning. But you still need to learn when to pick your battles, juggernaut.

> The Juggernaut? says "Shut up!"  
"I thought you were tough."  
"So did I," you say, before growling.  
The rat lord laughs, before standing up.

> The Juggernaut? attacks his knee caps with a spiked club.  
You jump up, smashing your fists into his knees. The rat lord howls in pain, before you continue upwards.  
"I thought you were fast."

> Meat, the rat lord teleport behind him and say "Oh I'm just as fast as I ever was..." Meat rat falcon punches him.  
Juggernaut is punched in the back of the head by the The rat lord, sending him against a wall.

> The Juggernaut? takes out a shovel and digs a hole into the wall.  
The rat slams into you, and you squirm out of its grip and dig my feet into the ground. The Rat Lord quickly burrows under the ground, before popping up and grabbing you by the foot.

> Meat, the rat lord uppercuts Juggernaut.  
Juggernaut is thrown up against the ceiling, before he starts to fall.  
"Look out!" you shout, trying to grab him, but the Rat Lord grabs you instead.

> The Juggernaut? says "Time to use my head for once!"  
You drop, grabbing the rodent creature and flipping him against the ground.  
"I've had enough of you!" you snarl.

> The Juggernaut? Super headbutts the rat lord.  
The rat lord lets out a pained growl, before you dive head first into his knee.  
"AGH!!" the rat lord yells in pain.

> Meat, the rat lord says "I see... So you have been keeping up with your studies."  
You grab the rat by its throat, lifting it into the air.  
"You are no longer a concern. I am the only thing that matters."

> Meat, the rat lord says "But it's not only you who matters! People matter as well!"  
You smash the rat lord's head into the ground.  
"I don't care about people, I only care about myself!"

> The Juggernaut? says "I'm a high-school dropout, but what does that matter! I made the wrestling team though."  
"Wrestling team?" the Rat Lord asks out loud, seemingly oblivious to you.

> The Juggernaut? says "Yeah like John Cena! You can't see me! My time is now!"  
The Rat Lord raises his hands up, before grabbing you and throwing you into the ground.  
"Your time is dead."  
"ARGH!" you growl, as you try to stand up.

> Meat, the rat lord pulls out a rat warhammer.  
The Rat Lord charges at you, swinging his weapon. You try to stand up, but you're hit by the blow and sent into a pile of trash.

> Meat, the rat lord says "GET IN THE TRASH FUCKER"  
The Rat Lord chases you through the piles of trash, as you roar and try to stand up before tripping and getting grabbed.  
"It doesn't have to be like this, juggernaut."

> The Juggernaut? undertakes the ratlord.  
"Yeah let's get on with it!"  
The two of you grapple, as the rat lord slams his hammer down. You raise your own fists up, punching the rat lord's shoulder.

> Meat, the rat lord uses his limit break: Ratheart.  
You try to get out of the way, but your leg is caught by the hammer as it comes down. Your heart stops as you're crushed under the Rat Lord's weight, as the hammer slams down on your head.

> The Juggernaut? puts on the infinite ammo bandana.  
You try to stand up, before the Rat Lord pulls you up again by your bandana. You try to punch the rat lord, but you only manage to hit yourself in the face.

> The Juggernaut? says "Hey man! Not so rough! I just got that fixed!"  
"It doesn't matter!" The rat lord says, before pulling you up by your bandana again.  
You grab his neck, moving your other arm up to grab his wrist to prevent him from using his hammer.

> Meat, the rat lord suplexes Juggernaut.  
You're sent flying as the rat lord tosses you, smacking into the ground as you let out a pained yelp.  
"I'm... The Ma-"

> Meat, the rat lord says "You know that IM THE REAL MARIO!"  
The rat lord grabs you by your bandana, tossing you into a pile of trash.  
"Oh no I stand alone."

> The Juggernaut? says "I'M MARIO! I'm number one! You will die!"  
"Shut up juggernaut!"  
The rat lord charges forward, smashing his hammer into you.

> The Juggernaut? Shatters rat lord's hammer with a super headbutt.  
You're sent flying into a pile of trash, as your head smacks into the ground.  
"ARGH!"  
You groan, struggling to get up.  
"I'm... The Ma-"

> Meat, the rat lord eat Meat, the rat lord's arm, and then again.

> Meat, the rat lord says "Eat your arm and then again"  
You moan, as you grab your arm. You look at it, before finding the will to yank it off and chewing on it to gain health.  
"Aaauuuugh!"

> Meat, the rat lord says "What's wrong Juggernaut? Missing an arm? Let me lend you, A HAND!"  
You grab the rat lord's hand, before the rat lord bit your hand.  
"Aaaauuuuuugh!"  
You grab your head, as the rat lord ate your hand.

> The Juggernaut? says "I have HIV bro... if anything you're the one who's gonna suffer from my missing hand."  
"Ha! I'm not afraid of your disease!"  
The rat lord charges, as you raise your fists.

> The Juggernaut? shoot off a mechanical arm like a rocket.  
It misses the rat lord, but it hits a pile of trash instead, destroying it.  
"Oops."  
The rat lord charges again, as you prepare a headbutt.

> Meat, the rat lord says "IM A RAT! IM IMMUNE TO ALL DISEASES!"  
You charge, before the rat lord slams his hammer into you.  
You let out a final pained yelp as your neck snaps, killing you.

> The Juggernaut? The Juggernaut?'s heroin inhibitiors turn on, reviving The Juggernaut? into a zombie form.

"Huh?"  
The rat lord charges, before you smash your head into him. You grab his hammer with your one good hand, before swinging it at him.

> Meat, the rat lord says "NANI?! HOW CAN YOU ACTIVATE ZOMBIE FORM?!"  
You grab him with your good hand, before swinging the hammer.  
"AAUUGGGG!"  
You smash him against a wall, before throwing him to the ground.

> Meat, the rat lord says "WHO TAUGHT YOU THAT?!"  
You slam your hammer into him, before throwing him against the wall again. He grabs the hammer, before twisting it and pulling it back. You let out a pained yell as you're flesh is torn apart.

> The Juggernaut? says "Is this the part in the script where I say something mysterious and edgy? Right. Uhhh ever since I lost my hand 5 minutes ago, I've always been a shell of my former self. Since then, I've always been a zombie!"  
"He's on to something there," you think.  
The rat lord gets back up, before charging towards you. You swing, but he catches the handle.

> The Juggernaut? fire The Juggernaut?'s desert eagle at his gnawing teeth.  
The rat lord charges, as you pull the trigger. A bullet enters his mouth, and he lets go of the hammer. You grab it, before he grabs your wrist.

> Meat, the rat lord eats the bullet.  
As the bullet is being chewed on, the hammer bites into your flesh. You let out a scream, before he flings your arm away and starts to gnaw on it.

> Meat, the rat lord aims his anus at Juggernaut and shits out the bullet.

"What the fuck, you want me to dig my own fucking grave?" you complain, as the bullet is being fired out of your ass.  
The bullet goes straight in, and you let out a grunt.

> The Juggernaut? says "You're no rat lord! You're just a lord of the flies! It's time to smack you to the ground!"  
You grab your hammer, ready to smash him.  
"Come on!"  
The rat lord charges, before slamming his hammer into you.

> The Juggernaut? stop his hammer with The Juggernaut?'s iron strong headbutt.

The rat lord attempts to ram you, but you're ready. You grab his body with one arm, and bring the hammer down. The rat lord's head smacks into the ground with a meaty sound.

> Meat, the rat lord says "oof"  
You grab the rat lord's hammer, before looking at your arm. The bone and skin has been torn off, but it seems to be repairable.

> Meat, the rat lord activates trance.  
You grab the rat lord, before lifting him up. His eyes bug out as he stares at you, before he begins to laugh.  
"I'm not a lord of anything! I'm a lord of the flies!"

> The Juggernaut? says "You're the king of nothing!"  
You smash the rat lord, before he flies up and lands next to you. The pain of his laugh tearing through your soul is unbearable, and it feels like it's never going to stop.

> The Juggernaut? says "Whatever, lets just continue the fight rat lord!"  
"Ouch."  
"Fuck you! I'm the king of the flies!"  
You smash his face into the ground, before he gets up again.

> Meat, the rat lord says "Trance is a special ability that only the rats with royal blood can activate. It increases my attack power and makes me more immune to head on attacks"  
"So let me guess, you're some sort of stupid fly?" you say.  
"I'm the king of the rats!"  
You smash his face into the ground, before he gets up again.  
The Juggernaut? Activates phase 3 of his tranformation, he turns into a large tank, with huge metal claws for arms and a large, open mouthed cannon for a head.  
"Huh, I didn't expect that!" he says.

> The Juggernaut? says "Fire!"  
The rat lord is hit by a shell, as he begins to float in the air.  
"Ha ha! You've out done yourself this time, Juggernaut!"

> Meat, the rat lord suplexes the tank.  
The tank lands on it's back, as the rat lord laughs  
"You're weak!"  
The tank gets up, and stands again.  
"I'm not finished yet!"

> The Juggernaut? suplex rat lord with the tank cannon.  
"Ouch!"  
The rat lord slams into the ground, before the tank stands on his chest. The tank begins to crush the rat lord, as his eyes bulge and blood begins to pool underneath him.

> Meat, the rat lord uses his rats to protect himself.  
Rats begin to pour out of his body, and they swarm you. You smash your hammer into the tank, but it doesn't even move.  
"You're not gonna win!" the tank gloats.

> Meat, the rat lord says "Oh yeah? I have one last trick up my sleeve."  
The rat lord grabs the tank's claw and pulls it towards him. The tank screams in pain as it's arm is ripped off and thrown into the distance.  
"Ha ha!"  
The rat lord's rats cover his body, turning him into a 200 foot giant made entirely out of rats.  
"Eat this!" the giant rat lord roars.  
The giant rats bum rush you, and you smash them aside. They begin to regroup, before you grab one and squeeze.

> Meat, the rat lord grab the tank.  
The rat lord grabs the tank, before the two begin to float upwards, before disappearing.  
"Ha ha!" the giant rat lord laughs.

> The Juggernaut? opens the hatch and Jumps out of the tank.  
The tank opens, as a horrible stench begins to come out. You quickly cover your nose and mouth. You jump up, grabbing the tank's hatch. You stand, pushing it open, before jumping out of it.

> Meat, the rat lord crush the tank with Meat, the rat lord's hand and throw it at Juggernaut.  
The tank hits the ground and begins to break apart.  
"You're done!" the rat lord laughs, before the tank explodes, covering you in a fine white powder.

> The Juggernaut? says "I've got one last plan up my sleeve! It hasn't failed me yet!"  
The tank begins to shake, as metal clangs against metal. The Juggernaut? steps out of the hatch, staring at you.  
"I've got one last plan! It hasn't failed me yet!"  
The tank begins to shake, as the ground begins to shake.  
"I've got one last plan!"  
The ground begins to crack, and rocks fall from the sky.

> Axolotlmaster1 the Furryslayer (Spectator) eats popcorn and cheers for the transformation.  
The ground begins to shake even more, as the shaking of the earth causes distant boulders to fall from the sky.  
"I've got one last plan!"

> Axolotlmaster1 the Furryslayer (Spectator) says "stop saying that, you are getting annoying."  
The ground begins to crack, as a large fissure appears in the ground.  
"I've got one last plan!" the tank says.  
A mountain begins to fall towards you.

> Axolotlmaster1 the Furryslayer (Spectator) destroys the mountain and eats popcorn.  
The mountain crashes onto the ground, sending massive chunks of earth and rock into space.  
"I've got one last plan!" the tank says.  
A black hole appears, and begins to suck you in.

> Meat, the rat lord says "Portals to the underworld?!?!?!??!?!?!!"  
You begin to float in place, surrounded by a white light.  
"I've got one final plan!" the tank says.  
You hear a mighty roar, as a portal begins to form.

> The Juggernaut? jump out of the black hole with a nuke.  
You hear a mighty roar, as a portal begins to form.  
"I'VE GOT ONE FINAL PLAN!!!!" the tank says, as the Juggernaut? jumps through it.

> Axolotlmaster1 the Furryslayer (Spectator) fights the black hole as it is eating his popcorn.  
You see the furry slayer fall to the ground as the black hole disappears, pulling him in.  
The ground stops shaking, and the portal disappears, as you slowly float in place.

> The Juggernaut? swings a baseball bat at the nuke, and sends it at rat lord.  
The baseball bat flies through the air, as the nuke is sent flying through the air. It explodes, destroying the tanks and covering the area in fire.  
"Ha ha! Rat lord!" the juggernaut?

> Meat, the rat lord dies.  
The ground begins to rumble, as the ground begins to crack.  
"He's too late!" the tank says.  
You see the rat lord begin to grow, as he breaks through the ground.  
The rat giant explodes, sending a shock wave across the area, destroying everything.  
You are sent flying from the force of the blast, landing in the river.  
The heroin power finishes up, and The Juggernaut? zombie form withers away, dying. The body falls to the ground, and the soul releases from bondage, free to enter the afterlife.  
You drift off to sleep, in a river, thinking of your journey.

> Meat, the rat lord freezes time.  
You watch as time stands still. You watch as the rat lord approaches, growling.  
"I have returned..." the rat lord says.  
You stare at the rat, as it approachs closer.

> Meat, the rat lord pulls out a gun.  
You scream as the gun explodes, sending bits of lead, gunpowder and your innards in every direction. The rat lord pulls out a second gun, that explodes as well as well.

> The Juggernaut? helmet ricochets the bullets.  
As the bullets hit his helmet, they go flying back to the gun.

> Meat, the rat lord freeze time within time.  
You scream as the rat king begins to approach. You realize there is nothing you can do, as you watch the rat's eyes turn red, as it lets out a fearsome roar.

> Meat, the rat lord says "FOOL! My stand grants me the ability to freeze time while time is frozen!"  
The rat lord raises his arm, before stopping.  
"You've dealt with the rat king once, fool! Do it again to learn the truth!"

> Meat, the rat lord pulls out a second gun.  
You watch as the gun is pulled out, before the rat king fires a round.  
Suddenly, you see a bullet fly towards you.  
Juggernaut's head explodes.  
You scream in pain, as the rat king grabs your throat.  
"Got you now, you fucker." the rat king says.

> The Juggernaut? says "That will not work. My stand, Unsung Hero(in) will revive me!"  
The rat king looks up, as the bullets from the gun are slowly beginning to turn into a red light.  
The rat king fires the gun, grabbing the bullets that were flying at you.

> The Juggernaut? walks away.  
You walk to the edge of the river, as you feel your body starting to come back.  
"Ha, you think that will work? I'm a god!" the rat king says.

> The Juggernaut? says "You killed me like twice, why haven't you won yet?"  
The rat king looks at you.  
"Because, I'm a god that likes to show off."  
The bullets from the gun turn into a red light, flying towards you.

> Meat, the rat lord kills Juggernaut in every single multiverse.  
You get hit by the bullets, as you begin to scream. You leak all over the place, and your insides are destroyed.  
The bullets fly into your body, killing you.  
Meat wins.  
You died.

> The Juggernaut? the Juggernaut uses unsung heroin to revive himself and takes a vacation to cuba. The End.  
You wake up in the morning, in your bed. You groggily get up and walk to your room.  
The end.

> Axolotlmaster1 the Furryslayer (Spectator) just eats popcorn.  
You have been killed by the rat lord as he destroys your body.  
Did you expect to survive? Well you're fucking dead now. Did you expect Axolotl to do anything else?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ending was too wholesome.


	17. Claude von Riegan ends racism

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scenario by shrekgaming.

You live on the continent of Fodlan. Fodlan is split among three territories, the Adrestian Empire, the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus, and the Leicester Alliance. The Church of Seiros in the center of Fodlan governs over the three territories. You are Claude, a clever young man with a mysterious past, as the future leader of the Leicester Alliance. You have enrolled at Garreg Mach Monastery as the leader of the Golden Deer House. The other houses are the Black Eagle House, led by Imperial Princess Edelgard, and the Blue Lion House, led by Prince Dimitri of Faerghus. Your goal is to open up the borders between Fodlan and Almyra, ending the conflict: between the two continents, and creating a better world for Almyrans. Your story begins when a mysterious young man named Byleth is appointed the head of your class.

The second month passes, and you are trained by the warriors of the other houses.  
NEMESIS APPEARS OH SHIT!  
It's the infamous "Nemesis". Rumors of its existence began about a decade ago.

> You say "So it was you who invented racism!"  
The man laughs.  
"I didn't invent it! I just made it famous!"

> You say "YOU BASTARD!"  
The young man laughs again.  
"I'm sorry, what did you say?"  
You stand up.  
"I said YOU are a bastard!"  
The man begins to laugh very loudly.

> You say "I shall slay you and break down the walls of Fódlan!"  
The man stops laughing.  
"Is that so? Well then, come at me with your new skills!"  
Byleth pulls out a long, thin sword, as you pull out your short sword.  
Byleth charges at him first, before...  
A BLANK. You swing your sword, it slides off the man's armor.  
Bored of the sword, you pull out your dagger.  
"You are a foolish child." Nemesis yells.  
You block a sword blade with your dagger.  
BLADE. KNIFE. PARRY. DUCK. STAB. DUCK. JUMP. BACKFLIP.  
You block another sword attack.

> You say "Tough talk from a guy who's lived too long. Allow me to fix that!"  
You block a backhand from the man.  
BLADE. BACKHAND. CHOP. DUCK. STAB. DUCK. STAB. JUMP. STAB.  
"You are all pathetic weaklings! You lack the courage to challenge me in lone combat." He yells.  
You block another chop, then duck under a spear swing.  
BLADES. SPEAR. BLOCK. CHOP. DUCK. STAB. TURNAROUND.

> You pull out a gun and say "Yet we have the strength to scale the walls between us, to reach our hands in friendship, so we can open our true hearts to one another!"  
You shoot a bullet made of pure energy, which slams into the man's chest plate. The bullet is absorbed by his armor, but the effect is the same. He staggers back with a yelp.

> You say "THAT'S HOW WE WIN!"  
The man scoffs, as a bullet smashes into his groin. He falls down on one knee.  
"No."  
You quickly run towards him, grabbing his helmet and headbutting him with all your might.

> You shoot him in the head.  
You fire a bullet right into his skull with your revolver, as his head explodes like a ripe melon.  
His headless body stands still for a second, before collapsing backwards.

> You turn to Byleth and say "Future historians will refer to this day as the new dawn of Fódlan. Of that, I have no doubt."  
The young man nods.  
"Yes, you may be right."  
The sun begins to rise in the distance as you look at the battlefield.

> You shake Byleth's hand and say "It's up to you now Teach. As for my path..."  
You shrug, unsure what to do.  
NEMESIS SUDDENLY RESURRECTS HIMSELF HOLY FUCKING SHIT!  
It's like the man never even died! He charges at you, and you feel fear slam into you as you prepare for a fight.  
BATTLE.  
CLASH.  
"I WILL KILL YOU SEIROS!" Nemesis roars.  
The two of you fight, as the world feels like it's going in slow motion around you. You catch a sword on your armor, then a dagger in your side.

> You pull out a second gun.  
You pull out your revolver, firing it at the man. It flies true, slamming into his chest with a "thud". Blood spills out of the wound like a fountain, as he stumbles back in shock.

> You say "It's a good thing I always carry two guns."  
"A very good thing," he says.  
He pulls two daggers from his belt, throwing one at you and catching the other in mid-air.

> You pull out an assault rifle.  
You pull out your terrorist assault rifle and fire, hitting him in the arm. He hisses, pulling the bullet out and kicking you in the face.

> You say "Crusty old bastard ain't ya? Time to put you out of the pasture."  
"Fuck you!" He yells in your face, before chucking a dagger straight at your throat.  
You knock it aside with the flat side of your rifle.

> You throw a grenade.  
You pull the pin of a hand-grenade and chuck it at him. His eyes widen as he realizes what you're doing, but the bomb explodes right under his feet, sending him flying backwards.  
BLAST.

> You pull out a riot shield.  
You pull out a military grade riot shield and prepare for the next attack.  
HE'S GETTING UP.  
The man charges you, swinging his sword.

> You pull out a LMG and use the riot shield as a shield.  
You pull out a light machine gun, which you hold in front of you like a riot shield. As the sword swings at your head, you get your riot shield up in time to block it.

> You shoot.  
Your shot rips through his shoulder, but doesn't slow him down. In fact, it seems to make him even more angry! He swings again, and this time he knocks your gun away.

> You say "Shit, you're pretty strong for a dusty old fossil. Seems you're pretty resistant to a motherfucking gun."  
He charges, swinging his sword at you. You back up, putting your shield in front of you for protection. He smashes into your shield, sending the gun flying from your hand.

> You pull out a minigun.  
You quickly run over to the minigun, and pick it up. Looking at the man, you realize he's too strong for you. This fight will take a lot of planning.  
The man laughs.

> You say "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"  
You fire the minigun, which looks impressive for a single man. You watch in awe as the bullets slam into the man. However, he seems to take it well. In fact, he begins to laugh louder.

> You anime gasp.  
He takes a deep breath, before charging you, head first!  
INTERNAL RESEARCH REVEALED THAT MOST PEOPLE FAINT AT THE EXCITING OR FEARFUL EVENTS.

> You flashbang.  
You pull out a flashbang and throw it at him. It lands close to his feet and he reacts quickly, kicking it before it can go off.

> You say "I got one more trick up my sleeve old man!"  
You pull out an oxygen deprived diver's tank and inflate it, tossing it at him. He drops his sword to block his face and the tank slams into him, locking on him like a satchel.

> You jump into a helicopter.  
You jump into a helicopter, which flies away.

> You shoot Nemesis with helicopter guns.  
You aim the minigun at him and fire, blowing his arm off. He roars in pain, and the helicopter flies away as he chases after you.

> You drop atomic bombs on him.  
You drop two atomic bombs on him, blowing him to pieces.

> You jump out of the helicopter.  
You jump out of the helicopter, watching it fly away.  
You're on your own.

> You say "We finally did it Professor, we ended racism."  
You laugh, proud of your work. "We ended racism."  
"It's done kid, let's go home."  
You stare at him shocked. "What? We made a lot of progress today though!"  
Byleth pulls out a piece of paper. "Claude, I gift you the N word pass for you valiant deed in killing what is left of the old man. Tomorrow you will receive your diploma, after that you are a man. Congratulations.

> You say "Thank you professor. I am proud to call you my nigga."  
He hands you a slip of paper.  
"Thank you professor," you say.  
"You're welcome, but thank your mother for picking such a successful student," he jokes, and leaves the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That’s how we win.


	18. Frosty the Anarchist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frosty and Timmy travel to the North Pole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry late Christmas.
> 
> Scenario by MagicL0u.

You are Timmy, a child in some hellish town with no way out except by train or suicide. Today, it is snowing, but you're in class, listening to your frumpy schoolmarm talk about fractals.  
"The snow can wait," the woman says as the class stares out the window at the freshly laid powder, "I've hired a special guest to entertain for today's class Christmas party. Please welcome 2005 winner of 'Best Guitarist" award, Slash from Guns N' Roses!"  
You watch in silent awe as Slash from Guns N' Roses walks in the room, holding an amp in one hand and a guitar in the other. He performs a wicked solo that blows your mind right in front of your face. As he is playing, he violently whips his iconic top hat off of his head, and then the school bell rings, ending the day.  
"Oh, darn," he says as everyone pushes past him to get out, "Hey kids, did any of you see where my hat- and they're gone."  
You sprint out of the class and begin to play in the snow. Two boys walk up to you holding a big-ass ball of snow.  
"Yo, Timmy, we're building a balla-ass snowman, wanna join in?" one of the fine young gentlemen asks.  
"Okay, I'll form the head," you say, spontaneously producing a ball of snow that you effortlessly place on top of the boys' ball, "This is hard work."  
After four total seconds of work, the snowman is created, and is sporting a broom, a pipe, and a cute button nose.  
"What shall we call him?" a child asks.  
"What about Kumar?" someone suggests.  
"Uh," a child begins, before hitting puberty, "ROOF"  
"GNAW" a child says.  
"Kristophew Harambe," a little girl says.  
"Mew," some weeaboo furry suggests, before the rest of you rightfully bully him into submission.  
"Frosty?" you suggest, as everyone unanimously agrees, and then some kid runs up holding Slash's hat.  
"Yo, how much do you think I could fence this for?"  
You take the hat from him and place it on Frosty. Suddenly, Frosty springs to life! He holds his broom as if it was a guitar, and does a wicked solo. Then, he strikes a pose, before...  
"Ah, fuck!" he says, before quickly running off, and you laugh.  
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY" Frosty says, as the children cheer in glee.  
You walk to your front door, and find a lone envelope on the floor. You open it up, and pull out a black program with "Slash's Gig"  
"Huh, I said my first words."  
"My first words were, "I'm going to murder you!" I've never forgotten that.  
He pulls out a knife, and slices open his wrist.  
"Let's get this party started.

> You play with Frosty the Slasher.  
Slash laughs as you play with a sentient pair of safety scissors.  
"Thank fuck. I need to get into character."  
You continue to play for the man, who smiles and showers you in compliments.  
Frosty begins to sweat nervously as he feels himself growing hard, before he gets up to use the toilet.  
"Boys! Would you quit your fucking squealing? Get back here!"  
"What the fuck, Frosty?"  
"Do you cunts got a thermometer around here?" Frosty asks.  
Nobody has the balls to tell him no, so he heads to the tiny bathroom somewhere in the back of the building.  
"Everyone follow me."  
You follow, and wait outside for him.  
"You know how I know you're a true member of the band?"  
"How?" you ask.  
"Because you came here without telling your parents."  
He begins to laugh.

> You say "True."  
"True, man."  
"We gotta get together next weekend. Oh fuck, I can't wait 'til August, when we're gonna play at this huge stadium! We're gonna rule it!  
"Wait no, I'll be all melted by then."  
"Fuck you, you'll be fine. You're a fuckin' musician! Here, have a lighter.  
"Can't have a lighter. I'll lose my fingers."  
"Do you even fuckin' know what a lighter is?"  
"No."  
"Then don't act like you do, fucker."  
"I'm just sayin'...  
"Hey! You know what would be a good idea? If we all went to the North Pole TODAY?????" Frosty asks.  
"What do you mean?" you ask.  
"I'm tellin' ya, if we went to the North Pole, and dug under it, we'd find the meaning to life!

> You say "THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT IDEA!!!!!!!!!!"  
"It is!"  
"Then let's do it!"  
"Okay!"  
"Great. Pick your poison: I'm going to go with...."

> You say "First, let's grab some guns and hard ass meth."  
"Got a gun?" you ask.  
"Do I look like a fucking cowboy to you?"  
"No, but I never thought you looked like a soldier."  
"Fuck off, dweeb."

> You go to the North Pole with Frosty.  
You look down at your thick coat, and thick boots. You almost wish you had brought some skis. Still, you're probably going to be thankful for the snow.  
"Let's roll!"  
You grab your snowboard from the roof of your car, and get in. You slide into third, as the rest follow.  
"Where are we going? To the airport? To the bus station?"  
"To the North Pole."  
The drive is silent, as you all try to get comfortable in the back seats of your car.

> You drive to Santa's house.  
The house is large, but you manage to find it after driving around for ten minutes.  
"It's just down this road."  
After turning down the street, you spot the house, sitting on a hill. It looks more like a mansion, painted in blue and white. It has a small porch around the front door, and a large snowman wearing a red cap and a green suit sits next to the door.

> You talk to the snowman.  
You walk over to the snowman, as your bandmates follow.  
"Hey! You're a snowman!"  
The snowman turns its head.  
"Yes, I'm a snowman.

> You say "Is this Santa's house?"  
"Yes! Do you want a tour?"  
"Yeah!"  
You follow the snowman up the steps and into the house. He leads you into a living room, with a giant Christmas tree in the corner and several nativity scenes lined up along the wall.  
Santa sits in a recliner, watching a football game.  
"Hey, babey. Want a tour?" he asks.  
"Yes, please. I want to see your house."  
"Alright, but you have to sit down first.

> You sit down.  
You sit down on the love seat next to him, and so does Frosty.  
"Do you like my house?"  
"It's nice."  
"Yeah, I like it."  
"I like your snowman suit."  
He smiles, and turns his attention back to the game. You look around the room, at all the decorations.  
"Do you like Christmas?

> You say "No."  
"Yeah, I didn't either when I was your age. My name's Santa, what do you want this year?"

> You say "Some LSD."  
"You're really random, you know that?"  
You shrug.  
"A friend of mine wants some."  
"I don't know if I can...  
He gives you LSD, after asking for your name and address. You thank him.  
"Do you want a cookie?"  
"No."  
You sit back, as Frosty stands in the corner of the room, watching you.

> You do some LSD with Frosty, Santa, and his elves.  
You decide to sit down on the love seat beside Santa, and lean back. You close your eyes, and wait for the drug to take affect.  
Slash breaks into Santa's house! "GIVE ME BACK MY HAT!" He starts grabbing various things off the tables, and throwing them at Santa.  
"YOU LITTLE FUCKER, DON'T YOU FUCKING LOOK AT ME!"

> You say "Hold the fuck up Slasher, that hat belongs to Frosty now. So I'd suggest you turn tail and run before me and my boys find you and jump you."  
"SHIT! I can't fuckin' believe this. Hold the fuck up, do any of you fuckers have nothing but assault rifles?"  
You take out your pistol and point it at Slash.

> You say "Run Slasher, final warning."  
Slash laughs, and puts his hands up in mock surrender.  
"Alright, alright, I'm gone."  
Slash runs out of the room, and you hear the front door open and close a moment later.  
"Whew, that was close. Thanks."  
You open your eyes, and look at Frosty, who is staring back at you.

> You say "Alright Frosty, that man won't bother you anymore."  
"I'm serious."  
"Well so am I. That man won't bother you anymore."  
You start sliding down the love seat, and sit on the floor.

> You say "Alright, now that we have accomplished our goals, I think it's about time I head back home."  
"Huh?"  
"Yeah. It was just a long trip, and I've got shit to do."  
"Like what?"  
You stand up from the floor and walk towards the front door of the house.

> You say "Drugs, goodbye Frosty. I hope you'll be back again someday."  
"But where are you going?"  
"I'm going home, I can't hang out here."  
You open the front door and walk outside into the cold night air. You pause, and look back at him.

> You go back home.  
"Thank you, goodbye."  
You walk away from the house, and never turn back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never knew the Frosty cartoon took place in an anarchic universe.


	19. Toaster Quest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Dude goes on a quest to find his missing toaster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scenario by Joran.

Your name is... Who cares. Everybody you know calls you "Dude" and you're okay with that.  
For as long as you can remember, you wanted to have a toaster. Other kids dreamed of becoming famous singers, changing the world for better, getting rich, but not you. You wanted to have a toaster.  
Finally, you are eighteen years old. Finally, you get a job. Finally, you get paid. Finally, you can afford a toaster.  
Today is the day. The day your dream comes true. No more untoasted bread. Today you buy a toaster.  
This is the happiest day of your life.  
Back at home you make yourself a toast. It tastes like a toast should. Your toaster works like a toaster should. You are euphoric. To celebrate, you go out. When you come back, you see a group of evil people in tuxedos, sunglasses and wigs running away from the building you live in, carrying some boxes and your binded neighbor. Full of fear, you run into your apartment. You stop and look around. "Oh no!", you think. The same day both your greatest dream and worst nightmare came true.  
You got a toaster.  
You lost your toaster.  
These evil people must have taken it. You don't wait a second longer.

> You say "Alexa, I need guns."

"Yes Master." The robot says and a case opens, revealing two Glocks.

> You say "Alexa, I need bigger guns."  
"Yes Master." The robot says and a case opens, revealing an Uzi, two miniguns, and a rocket launcher.

> You take the two Glocks, the Uzi, the two miniguns, and the rocket launcher.  
Now you're a serious threat. You grab the weapons and look around. No one in sight, you head out of the warehouse and...  
"AHHH!" an innocent bystander screams as you shoot them with the Uzi.

> You use your pog hacking skills to find the exact location of your toaster.  
Success! The toaster is located in an alley, surrounded by a gang of teenagers.  
You walk towards the alley slowly. A car alarm starts playing "Dont Stop Believing"

> You go to the alleyway.

You walk out of the darkness of the warehouse and into the light of the alley. You spot your toaster, surrounded by a gang of teenagers. As you walk towards them, you hear one of them yelling.

> You deploy a bunch of turrets.

A bunch of small turrets, controlled by you, rise up from the ground and start firing.

> You pull out your two miniguns.

You take out your two miniguns and start firing at the gang. Bullets riddle their bodies, killing them instantly. In seconds, all of them are dead.  
Your toaster begins to walk towards you.

> You say "COME TO ME MY SON!!!!!"  
"Yes, father." Your toaster replies.  
Suddenly, a guy wearing a black hat and trench coat grabs your toaster. You turn around but it's too late. He runs off into the night. "Dad?"

> You chase after him.

You chase the man in the black hat and trench coat, putting several buildings between you and him. You reach a dead end where you find a giant statue of Jesus.  
Then you feel somebody grab you and put a knife against your throat.  
"Hello son. It's me, Mr. Scars. We meet again."  
"Dad?!?"  
"Yes, it's me. I'm sorry if I scared you, but I had to see your face when you found out your toaster was a spy."

> You say "W-What are you talking about?"

Mr. Scars laughs. It's a horrible laugh. "Your toaster? He was a spy. He has been working for the evil forces for years. He wanted to see if you were a worthy successor to take over the company."

> You say "You mean your company, Scars incorporated?"

Mr. Scars laughs again. "To some degree yes. I'm not the founder. But let's leave that mystery for now. Tell me son, why were you making the villains jump through hoops like that?"

> You say "T-They stole my toaster."

Mr. Scars nods. "It's nice to see the desire for vengeance in one so young. Especially, someone of your... unique talents."  
"I-I don't know what you mean..."  
Mr. Scars smiles as his face becomes contorted with malice and hate. It's scary. "I'm referring to the fact that you were able to hack into the system and change the villains' instructions. Hacking is illegal son. You could have gotten into serious trouble for that.

> You say "THEY STOLE MY FUCKING TOASTER"

Mr. Scars shakes his head. "You're too young to understand. Let me try to explain this as simply as possible..."  
Mr. Scars explains that he hired the thugs to steal your toaster, who was a spy.

> You say "So my toaster is evil?"

Mr. Scars laughs again. "To some degree yes. But, in a roundabout way, so are YOU."  
Mr. Scars puts the knife back against your throat and smiles.

> You say "WHY AM I EVIL?"

Mr. Scars laughs a third time. “You’re evil because you associated yourself with the enemy, you traitor! Your toaster's innate desire for toast made it easy for you to be brainwashed. And you, my child, are the enemy."  
Mr. Scars' face becomes sad as he speaks. "I'm sorry son. I'm going to have to kill you. It is the only way to be sure... but it's so hard. I don't want to, but you have to understand. This is for your own good.”

> You say "Wait! No!"

Mr. Scars slashes your throat open, and you fall to the ground bleeding out.  
You think you see your toaster dancing around you one last time before you die.  
But just before you die, you see your toaster cast a healing spell on you.

> You stand up.

Then, you cast a healing spell on yourself.  
Unfortunately, this brings you back to full health, and you're now at full strength.  
"Shit,"

> You pull out your rocket launcher.

You pull out the rocket launcher and begin shooting at Scars, who dodges out of the way of the blasts.  
Unfortunately, you only have two left.  
Your toaster pulls out a gun and supports you with suppressing fire.  
"Goddammit, Dude, did you HAVE to fuck up my plan?" Scars says as he jumps onto the statue of Jesus.

> You say "ITS OVER!!!"

Scars laughs. "Not so loud!"  
Meanwhile, your toaster calls out. "I'm going to get you back for this, you bastard."

> You fire your rocket at Mr. Scars.

It lands directly underneath him, blowing him up and destroying the statue of Jesus, which falls on Mr. Scars and kills him.  
Sadly, your toaster was too far away to avoid the statue.

> You say "Toaster? TOASTER! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!"

Then, silence.

> You sprint to your toaster's body.

You sprint towards your toaster's corpse, hoping it wasn't killed in the blast.  
Sadly, you find that it's true. The toaster is dead. A victim of the blast. That stings.

> You say "Toaster... How can I go on without you..."

You weep as it begins to rain.  
A single tear falls from your face...

> You say "WHAT AM I FIGHTING FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

You give up. There's nothing you can do. You're fucked.  
Suddenly, the television turns on, and you see a newscast. You watch, hoping for good news...  
Toasters have taken over the world.  
You have died in the service of toasters. You have no more reason to live.  
Toast is your one true love. You will live and die with it, as all are destined to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn’t planning on connecting this chapter with the Mario 64 one but it was only a matter of time before I started connecting all of the chapters together anyway so I guess Mr. Scars and Dude will come back later.


	20. Men In Black 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Smith and Agent K arrest a catgirl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scenario by MagicL0u.

You are Will Smith, an agent of the Men In Black (or MiB), the agency dedicated to policing the extraterrestrials living among the human population. Today, you are given an assignment to apprehend an alien who has been deemed a threat to international security. It resembles a human woman, is a female of its race of deceptively beautiful yet dangerous aliens, and it goes by the name "Lyra". The race of aliens Lyra is a part of reportedly resemble "those characters from those Chinese cartoons" according to witness reports. You have been given images of Lyra. From these pictures, it's apparent that Lyra takes on the appearance of a normal woman but with fluffy cat ears and a tail. Her last known location is in an urban area, inside an apartment building, apparently by the apartment of an unmarried man.  
You go to the MiB agency's garage and climb inside one of the unmarked black vans. You check to make sure that you've got your MiB-approved alien detainment weapons and tools, like the neuralyzer, and various confiscated alien weapons.  
After completing this check, you drive off to where Lyra's last known location is. You wind up in some run-down apartment, and you go up to the apartment of the man, in order to question him.  
You enter the apartment to find a skinny, disheveled guy with glasses rubbing Lyra's thigh, both of them nude. There are anime posters all over the wall, and Lyra looks even more like an anime character when you've got a poster to compare her to.  
The man just looks confused as to why this is happening, when Lyra suddenly grabs him and points a random sharp object at his neck.  
"Who are you, and what the fuck are you doing here?" Lyra hisses.  
"I'm the man who loves you," the man says, and begins to cry.

> You turn the safety off on your alien pistol and say "Put the knife down Lyra, you're coming with us!"  
"I'm not going anywhere with you, you hideous creature," Lyra hisses, "You best get the hell out of the way, or you'll be next!"

> You say "Why the hell are you even into humans, shouldn't you be attracted to your own kind?"  
"I'm fucking sick of your kind. I'll fuck anyone, and I love humans for their rebellious natures. Come on lover, we got to get the hell out of here."  
She jumps out of a nearby window naked, still holding the man.

> You say "Oh god dammit!" and start chasing the alien.  
Running out of the building, you notice that the street is empty.  
The woman must've gotten away. Now what?

> You say "K! Do you know where the alien could have gone!?"  
"I saw her get into a black van parked on the street."  
"Well, that narrows it down."  
You and K jump into your car and drive after the black van.  
The van pulls a u-turn and drives straight towards your car. Before you can do anything, the driver rams his vehicle into yours, completely obliterating it.  
As soon as the car stops, you notice that the driver is the woman, now holding a strange gun. She points it at you and K.

> You say "You shoot us and you become a galaxy wide criminal."  
"Do it, then," she says, "but I guarantee neither of you will survive."  
K grabs the gun from her, not even bothering to take off the safety.  
They struggle for the gun, but K manages to take it and aim it at the alien.  
"Take this."  
K fires the gun, blowing a hole in the alien's stomach.  
You and the woman watch as the creature falls onto its ass from the great height it was on.

> You say "See? Look at what happens when you resist."  
"Do you think you can bully us?" the woman asks, "Humans, I've found out, are far too stupid to take on the galaxy by ourselves. I'm putting in a request for an army."

> You handcuff her and say "Yeah, yeah, go the hell to jail."  
The woman is placed in the back of your cruiser, with you driving. The last thing you need is some alien terrorist trying to blow you up on the way to the station.

> You look in the black van for the hostage.  
You get out of the car, looking around the parking lot. After a minute, you notice a man, standing behind the black van.  
You walk up to him, noticing that his hands are bound.

> You untie him.  
The man begins to stand up. He has a shaved haircut, and is dressed in a black tank top and pants. He looks like he's about your age, twenties.

> You pull out your neuralyzer and say "What I'm gonna need you to do is look into this," you tap the black square on the neuralyzer, "and don't blink."  
You tap the device, and instantly the man's vision is blinded. He has lost all memory of this event.

> You say "Man what were you thinking running into the middle of a highway to render aid to the injured after a car crash. Good thing nobody was seriously injured, including yourself."  
The man looks at you blankly, before nodding.  
You look at your watch. After five minutes, the neuralyzer should be deactivated, and the man will have no memory of this event.

> You take the catgirl to jail.  
The woman is placed in the back of your cruiser, with you driving. The last thing you need is some alien terrorist trying to blow you up on the way to the station.

> You take her to custody.  
You pull up to the station, and hop out of your car. The woman tries to stand, but falls back down on the ground. She looks at you, confusion on her face. You realize she has no idea where she is.  
"Ugh," she says, "my head... my head..."

> You hand her to some of the MIB men and yell "Fuck with your own kind! And put some clothes on!"  
The catgirl is handed over to some of the MIB agents waiting at the station.

> You say "So K, how about lunch?"  
"Yes, I'm famished," K says eagerly, "I'll buy."  
You pop into Whataburger, buy two Cheeseburgers, and sit outside.

> You eat the cheese burger.  
The first bite into the burger is delicious, but as you bite down on it, you find a gnarled, crab-like leg muscle fiber.  
"Fuck!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This may be the last chapter. 
> 
> I have been continuously banned from AI Dungeon for unknown reasons and at this point I am just to angry to continue to support their website.
> 
> I’d suggest you check out my other stories if you are looking for more content created by me.
> 
> K bye.


End file.
